FIC: To Be A Woman ~ 10 ~ PG-13 ~ TR/HP/DM HG/GW

[batsutousai]

Title: To Be A Woman
Author: Batsutousai
Beta: magickmaker17
Pairings: Hermione/Ginevra and Tom/Draco/Harry
Warnings: AU, Transsexualism, Slash, Fem-slash, Child Abuse(mild), Cross-dressing
Summary: Harry's known his whole life that he is different from his male cousin, but his relatives, who take care of him, did everything to hide it. When given a chance to live as he wishes, what will Harry do?
Disclaim Her: Argh. DAMN JOO, FLUF!!. *keels*
Feedback: Lovely, as long as you’ve read the author’s notes and don’t ask stupid questions. *glares at readers pointedly*

A/N: I think I'm tired. I kept wanting to write this chapter in present tense. *headdesk*

Chapter Ten: What It Means To Be Wanted


Harry decided that he hated his life. No, really.

And if one more person asked him where he'd been....

Harry sighed and looked back out the window at the darkening skies. He missed Dudley. Dudley didn't ask him stupid questions like: "Where were you yesterday?" or "Can we please talk about yesterday?" or, Harry's personal favourite "Why did you call Professor Snape 'Snivellus'?"

There was a knock on the door of the classroom Harry had hidden in, then a head of unnatural red hair popped in. "Hey there, mate."

"I'm not your mate," Harry replied dully. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

Nymph stepped the rest of the way into the room, then closed the door. "Your mother liked hiding in here too, you know."

Harry glanced back over at the woman. "She was anti-social too?"

Nymph smiled and drew a creaking chair up next to the window, sitting on it backwards. "Not quite. She just liked her alone time, especially when Petunia still went here. They were good friends and all, but Pet could sometimes be just a bit overbearing."

Harry glanced back out over the school grounds, smiling faintly. He remembered how his aunt had been before he holed himself up in his closet years ago. She had been overbearing.

"After Pet graduated, Lily still liked coming in here to get away from the rest of the school and visit with her own thoughts for a while. Sev and Remus musta taught her a few tricks, too, 'cause I swear my skin was turning more colours than my hair for a while there."

Harry bit his lip and fought to keep a laugh in. "You shouldn't have been bugging her."

"Maybe not, but it was nice to see her laughing instead of brooding," Nymph admitted.

Harry looked down at his hands with a touch of shame. "I guess."

"Look, Harry." Nymph let out a faint sigh. "I owe you an apology."

Harry looked at her in shock. "Whatever for?"

Nymph blinked, surprised. "I should have talked to you before now. I knew you'd want to know about your parents, but I never-"

"No, it's fine." Harry shrugged the apology off.

"It bloody-well is not!" Nymph scowled at Harry. "If Lily were here she'd have murdered me by now."

"That's silly," Harry offered, letting out a painful laugh.

Nymph grabbed Harry's chin and made the boy look at her. "It's not. Lily and James loved you with all of their souls, and we - Remus, Siri, Sev, Emmy, and I - swore we'd take care of you if anything ever happened to them. If they knew we'd been pretty much ignoring you since you got to Hog-"

"They'd probably think you had the right idea." Harry pulled away, eyes cold. "Leave me alone."

Nymph pursed her lips. "What's Vernon been telling you? Has he been telling you that you're a freak? That you're worthless? That you're a waste of space?"

"Shut up!"

Nymph stood and grabbed Harry in a hug as the boy tried to run. "Not this time, mate. You're going to stay here and listen to me, then I'll leave and you can angst away."

Harry stomped on her foot. "I don't want anything to do with you!"

Nymph sighed. "Listen up, Harry. Vernon used to call all of us freaks. He used to say we were all wastes of air. He used to claim we would never amount to anything but wastes of space."

Harry stopped struggling, frowning. "So?"

"He called me all those things because I had a band. He called Emmy all those things because she was a tomboy. He called Remus all those things because he was quiet. He called Sev all those things because he had long hair. He called Siri all those things because he caused trouble. He called Lily all those things because she was his sister-in-law. He called James all those things because he was handsome. He called Pet all those things because she liked all of us." Nymph looked down into frowning green eyes. "Now, tell me, mate. Do you think any of those people are freaks or worthless?"

Harry shook his head. "Of course not."

"Then why do you believe him when he says such things about you?"

Harry had to look away from the dark green eyes. "I am a freak."

"How so?" Nymph fought to keep the anger out of her voice. James and Lily's son, a freak?!

"I'm transsexual. What's not freakish about that?"

Harry's honest words made Nymph want to cry. How could Harry - sweet, beautiful, gentle little Harry - be a freak? How could he believe that? How could they have let him grow up in that house?

Nymph tightened her hold on Harry and buried her face in his silky hair, trying not to cry. "You're not a freak, Harry. You're not."

Harry bit his lip and wrapped his arms around the woman's waist. But he was. Wasn't he?

-~/\~-

"Nymph, what's wrong?!" Remus stood quickly from his seat in Severus' room and hurried over to the crying woman.

Nymph allowed Remus to lead her over to a seat and accepted the tissue Severus handed her. "He really, truly believes he is a freak."

Remus and Severus stared at Nymph for a long moment, unable to believe this. It was Severus who spoke. "But, why? He's not-"

"I know." Nymph wiped at her eyes with a fresh tissue. "I told him that. I told him that Vernon calls everyone a freak."

"Why does he think such a thing?" Remus whispered.

"Because he's transsexual," Severus growled in realization. "Of course Vernon would use that against him to the best of his ability. I'll even bet he called it a disease."

"From what Miss Granger said, he never went to public school. Vernon trapped him in the house," Remus whispered.

"So as not to let the other children catch it, I'm sure." Severus' eyes shone coldly. "I'm going to kill that man."

"Can't we press charges?" Remus whispered. "At least get him thrown in jail for a couple years for child abuse?"

"That would require Harry's co-operation," Nymph sighed. "And he's exactly like Lily."

"Great. He looks like James and is as anti-attention as Lily. Perfect combination."

"Sev."

"What?!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "We'll just have to find some way to get him to press charges."

"First thing to do is to get him to believe he didn't deserve that treatment," Nymph pointed out.

The three friends stared at one another for a while.

"I know!" Remus said suddenly. "What Harry needs is a pet."

Severus snorted in amusement while Nymph rolled her eyes. "Remus, where would he keep the poor thing?"

"Oiy, pets are allowed at Hogwarts," Remus defended.

"Only certain types, and they have to be okayed by both your roommates and the staff," Severus replied.

Remus huffed. "Well, I'm okay with it. Do either of you mind?"

Nymph and Severus traded glances. They had to admit, Remus' idea had merit. "No."

"Well, let's run it by Albus, then check with his roommates." Remus stood.

"Well, what sort of pet?" Nymph asked, also standing.

"Not a dog," Severus said immediately, walking with his friends to the door of his quarters.

"What sort of pet did you want when you were at Hogwarts, Nymph?" Remus turned to the only female in their group.

Nymph smirked. "An alligator."

"Oooookay!" Remus gave his friend an odd look.

"Lily wanted a kitten," Severus recalled. "An orange tabby - so it would match her uniform."

"Geeze, Sev. How do you remember this stuff?" Nymph asked in exasperation.

"He's got to be able to remember lots of stuff," Remus teased. "Lest he forgets a formula and cause an explosion."

Severus just rolled his eyes. He was used to Remus' strange sense of humour.

-~/\~-

"Draco, you can't wear that..."

"Why not?"

"Because you're supposed to be a girl!"

"So? Maybe I want to look like a guy for one night."

Pansy and Blaise traded hopeless looks as Draco went back to modeling his new clothing for the Ball. Despite the fact that the open shirt showed off his lack of breasts, the white suit was very nice.

"You'll just have to do something with your hair," Tom declared from where she was laying on her stomach on her bed, working on a crossword. "Put it up and out of the way. With any luck, people will think you're your twin brother or something from St Anthogals."

"Tom, you're a genius!" Pansy declared, kissing the top of Tom's head.

Tom glared up at her roommate. "Don't do that again."

"You're just pissed off because everything was too expensive for you," Draco snorted.

Tom threw a pillow at the back of Draco's head, earning her a squeal from the boy. "I'll have you know that I already had the perfect outfit and I was just going along to help you pick. We didn't need you debating over which outfit to buy for three hours."

"Bah." Draco threw himself back onto his bed. "I wonder what Harry's wearing."

"She won't tell a soul," Blaise sighed, running a comb through her auburn hair.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it will out-shine both of you," Pansy assured Tom and Draco, smirking.

"That's exactly how it should be," Tom and Draco chorused, then traded death glares.

Pansy and Blaise rolled their eyes. "You're both hopeless," Pansy declared, blowing on her toenails, which she'd been painting.

Tom and Draco ignored her in favour of their glaring contest and Pansy and Blaise sighed helplessly.

-~/\~-

"It's here! It's here!"

Hermione and Gin both blinked up at the ecstatic boy. "What is, Har?" Hermione inquired calmly, eyeing the large box her friend was carrying.

"My dress!" Harry's smile controlled his face.

"Really?" Gin's attention turned towards Harry, homework forgotten. "Will you try it on for us?"

Harry nibbled his lower lip in indecision. "Only if you swear not to tell Draco or Tom," he decided.

"Cross our hearts," the girls agreed.

Harry, grinning once again, bounced from the room and into the bathroom.

Hermione and Gin waited impatiently to see Harry's dress. He'd only mentioned that Dumbledore had ordered it for him from somewhere and that it would be there in time for the ball. They didn't even know what colour it was!

When Harry stepped nervously back into the room, it was to gasps of awe. The looks on his friends’ faces made him blush red enough to match his dress. "Hi?"

"You look gorgeous!" Gin declared, standing sharply and running over to hug her friend.

Hermione nodded firmly. "I'm sure we can do your hair before the ball, too. A slight curl should do wonders."

"And red lipstick!" Gin declared. "You'll out-shine every other girl there! I'll bet even Chang'll drool over you."

A smirk touched Harry's lips. "Better remember to bring a camera."

Hermione and Gin laughed brightly at the joke. "I will!" Gin assured the boy.

Harry's smile fell. "But, I have a flat chest and it looks really bad with this dress and-"

"I've got just the thing!" Hermione shuffled through her top drawer, then brought a couple of gelatin mounds to Harry. "Here. These'll make it look like you've got A-cups. Better than nothing, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks, 'Mione." Harry breathed in relief.

Gin gave the brunette a sly look. "Why do you have those, 'Mione? Boobs not big enough yet?"

Hermione swatted Gin. "No, you idiot. Mum got them for me for my tenth birthday. I've never even worn them."

"Uhm, not to sound like a dumb guy or anything," Harry interrupted, blushing again. "But, uh, how do you put these things in?"

Gin burst out in laughter and Hermione bit her lip to keep from doing the same. "Oh, Har..." She shook her head, obviously amused. "Let me show you. Come here."

-~/\~-

"Hey there, mate."

Harry scowled at his now-constant companion. He'd given up on telling her that he wasn't her mate days ago. "Hi, Nymph."

Nymph smiled. "We've got a surprise for you in Remus' rooms."

Harry narrowed his eyes. While he could tolerate Nymph to a certain degree, he was still wary around Remus and he wouldn't talk to Severus at all - unless it was to answer a question in class. "Who's 'we'?"

Nymph rolled her eyes. What she wouldn't give for a more trusting Harry. "Remus and Severus and myself, obviously. There's also Misses Riddle, Parkinson, Parkinson, Zabini, Granger, and Weasley."

Harry blinked. They'd managed to drag all his friends along with one of their crazy schemes now, too? Wonderful. He stood. "Fine. I'll come."

Nymph thanked whichever god might have been listening to their plea and led the boy from the room he'd hidden himself in.

The walk down to Remus' quarters was silent - Harry obviously didn't feel like talking and Nymph didn't want to drive him away by forcing him to.

"SURPRISE!!"

Harry didn't bother to feign surprise. "What are you lot up to now?"

"You could have played along, you know," Nymph muttered, put out.

"We could have Draco pretend to be Harry," Tom suggested evilly. "We'll have to dye her hair first, though..."

"Funny. You'd just have to grow yours out," Draco bit back.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You two are so immature."

"You should have seen them arguing when they both thought you'd look better than them at the ball," Pansy offered, smirking.

"You're going down, cousin of mine," Draco growled.

Severus grabbed Draco by one ear and dragged his head around so they were nose-to-nose. "Behave."

"Ow! I got it! Lemme go!" Draco rubbed at his ear once it was freed. "Abuse of authority!"

"Your father gave me permission to abuse you all I want while you're at my school, you little hellion," Severus informed his godson.

Harry's laughter startled everyone. The boy was bowed over, clutching his stomach and laughing insanely.

"Mate, you okay?" Nymph asked worriedly.

"Hah! Draco gets treated like a little kid! Aha!" Harry managed.

Draco stormed over to Harry and, leaning over slightly, pulled the other boy into a sharp kiss. "Now shut up, you."

Everyone stared at Draco in shock as the boy turned to glare at his godfather.

Remus let out a groan, breaking the silence. "Sirius is going to murder me."

"This'll be good," Severus decided, smirking.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, confused. His voice was muffled by the hand that was still partially coving his mouth, touching his lips with a shocked air.

"Your godfather hates my father," Draco offered with a grimace.

"You could just not tell him," Hermione pointed out unsurely.

"And have him find out some other way? It's best we tell him over the phone," Nymph sighed.

Harry's eyes fell to his shoes. "I'm sorry..."

"Oh, no you don't!" Nymph gave Harry a sharp look. "Don't you go blaming any of this on yourself, Miss Potter! You're allowed to like who you want to like and befriend who you want to befriend. Sirius can deal with it - he's a big boy."

Harry shrugged. "I'm gonna go, if that's all right with you all..."

"Harry...."

But Harry had already turned towards the door. A soft 'mew' and something soft curling around his leg made him stop and look down. An orange and white tabby was looking up at him through huge green eyes. It mewed again.

"Hi, there." Harry knelt next to the feline and petted it gently. "Are you Professor Lupin's cat?"

"No, Harry." Remus knelt next to Harry carefully. "She's yours. Every member of the staff agreed that you could have a cat, but Albus said it had to be a girl." He smiled faintly. "I believe his reasoning was that Hogwarts only lets male students and pets onto the grounds when God made a mistake when he made them. And God does make mistakes. They're not our fault and there's nothing we can really do about them but live with them to the best of our ability." Remus brushed a stray lock of hair out of Harry's face. "You're no freak, Harry Potter. Believe me when I say that. You're a gifted young man who is proof that not even God is perfect. You're proof that there is good in even the worst of times."

Harry burst into tears and allowed his godfather to draw him against his chest. He'd doubted his self-hatred since Nymph had called him on it almost a week ago. Remus' words had finally done what Nymph's words had started: Harry no longer thought himself a freak. He was Harry. And he was loved.

-~/\~-

-~\/~-

A/N: Made me all teary-eyes, that ending did. *sniffles*

I really shouldn't be writing fanfiction when I'm half-asleep. It makes me write fluffy crap. Bah.
B/N: It also makes her make more mistakes than she usually does… (Save me from her!!)
A/N: *murders beta*

Read, review, and visit this fic's site for any basic questions.
~Bats ^.^x

Chapters:
First 5 chapters on website.
6 - Intruding Nightmares ||| 7 - Luna Lovegood ||| 8 - The Great Potter Mystery
9 - The Scrapbook's Curse ||| 10 - What it Means to Be Wanted ||| 11 - Iona Gates
12 - Dresses & Partners
Discontinued

.

Comments

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

*squee* I do so love you. Yay for Harry getting a kitten :)

And have an awesome holiday!!! *restrains envy*

[batsutousai]

Yesh....

*pets* It was a wonderful visit, though not quite a holiday. They kept us quite busy and we had four concerts to preform. ^.^"

[flosspyromaniac.livejournal.com]

Ok, fluffy yes, but crap? Noooooo
I ♥ this chapter. I got all warm and fuzzy. Okay, mildly disturbed now...
OMG! Harry/Draco snogging. All to the good...
Have an amazing time, and bring back pictures *threatening look* or else
xxxxx
Floss

PS Don't kill your sister or who will beta for you?

[batsutousai]

LOL!!! Glad you enjoyed it.
H/D. *laughes* Aye.
Many pictures, I swear. I must get them developed, but there are lots.

*mutters and revives beta* I'll just damage her a little, then. XD

[yume-no-yuki.livejournal.com]

This was really sweet. I liked this chapter. It was very good. You better be having fun in Ireland. Come back eventually.

*sigh* The kitty was a nice touch.

Fluffyness in this fic is good.

[batsutousai]

LOL!! I did have fun, and, yes, I'm back. Damnit.... XD

^.^

*shudders* If you say so..... XD

[raginwaterz.livejournal.com]

Awww, poor Harry. The kitty is just what he needs. Loved the Harry and Draco kiss *grin* and he finally doesn't think of himself as a freak, yay!

Happy vacationing!

[batsutousai]

Yay!! ^.~

It was fun! ^.^

[morganwolfe666.livejournal.com]

*weep* Poor Harry! *pathug*