FIC: To Be A Woman ~ 9 ~ PG-13 ~ TR/HP/DM HG/GW

[batsutousai]

Title: To Be A Woman
Author: batsutousai
Beta: magickmaker17
Pairings: Hermione/Ginevra and Tom/Draco/Harry
Warnings: AU, Transsexualism, Slash, Fem-slash, Child Abuse(mild), Cross-dressing
Summary: Harry's known his whole life that he is different from his male cousin, but his relatives, who take care of him, did everything to hide it. When given a chance to live as he wishes, what will Harry do?
Disclaim Her: Hee hee. Curse. Hee hee.
Feedback: Lovely, as long as you’ve read the author’s notes and don’t ask stupid questions. *glares at readers pointedly*


Chapter Nine: The Scrapbook's Curse


Harry found himself left alone in the common room on the next day. With the announcement of the ball, everyone needed to go out and get a new dress, but Harry had one coming and didn't feel like leaving to watch his friends shop. Instead, he pulled out his new book and looked over the pictures. It seemed that Dumbledore hadn't only gotten pictures from the friends of his parents, but also let them look over the book. There were notes - one might be more inclined to call them arguments - next to many of the pictures that went back and forth between the different people.

Harry decided that his mother had been beautiful and his father very handsome. He could see why they'd gotten married.

Sirius Black - one of their friends - was handsome and quite amusing. He must have been a trouble-maker in school. Probably still was, if his comments were anything to go by.

Remus Lupin reminded him a bit of the Head of Ravenclaw, Professor Lupin, but he'd have thought that the man would tell him if it were true. It wasn't like he had any way to know of his parents outside their friends. He wouldn't pry, though.

His Aunt Petunia had been beautiful and Harry made a note to show her the book over Christmas - she'd enjoy it. Uncle Vernon looked a lot like Dudley - or perhaps it was the other way around?

Nymphadora Tonks looked amusing - her hair never seemed to be the same colour twice - and the comment from the Headmaster about her never wearing her uniform made him laugh. And the swimming in November? Too funny. He thought she looked a bit familiar, too, but he couldn't place it.

Emmeline Vance was pretty and Harry recalled her name from the news one time. She worked for the London Police force and was pretty high up in status. It would have been nice to get to know her better, but he doubted it would be possible.

Severus Snape, Harry knew, was his Chemistry professor. The man didn't like him - it had gotten better since the start of term, though, and Harry suspected Draco playing his hand. The two obviously knew one another, and the comment in his book about Lucius knowing Snape....

Harry loved the conversations in the book. The book had such character with their personalities clashing through words. And the stories they traded told Harry things that the pictures couldn't fully explain. Like, how was he to know that Professor Snape only ever went to one ball. How was he to know that Nymphadora was called Nymph by those who'd been her friends. Or that his dad, Sirius, and Remus had annoyed his mum and perhaps Nymph and been forced into Hogwarts school uniforms as punishment - far too funny, that. How was he to know that Remus and Sirius were gay and that Sirius wanted Remus to go out with him? Or that Nymph had been in a band before-

Harry squinted to read one of Nymph's comments - her handwriting was so small - then his eyes widened. Hogwarts?! Then that was where he'd seen her! She must be the music professor!!

Harry hopped from his seat and slipped from the common room, book clutched against his chest. From what the elder girls were saying, the music professor was always a lot of fun. Maybe she could-!

Harry stopped. But, maybe she didn't want anything to do with him. Snape certainly hated him, and he was in the book. Maybe none of his parents' old friends had contacted him because they didn't want to put up with some stupid teenager. Heck, who'd want to put up with a teenager who thought he should be a girl anyway? Why would anyone care?

"Miss Potter, what's wrong?"

Harry's head shot up at the soft words and he found himself faced with the kindly Professor Lupin. The man who hadn't even mentioned he'd known his parents. The man who wanted nothing to do with him.

Harry turned and fled.

"Miss Potter!"

Harry ran for an empty classroom that he knew of and locked the door behind him. Then he sunk to the ground next to the door and hiccupped. Stupid freak. Stupid, stupid freak.

-~/\~-

Remus Lupin returned to his office worriedly. He hadn't expected a reaction like that from Harry. The boy had always been such a happy child. Well, perhaps his life with Petunia and Vernon hadn't been so great...

Vernon. Remus clenched his hands into fists. He remembered Vernon from his days at St Anthogals. Vernon had been five years their senior and an absolute bully. Remus, always the quiet one, had been picked on a lot.

But then Sirius and James - old childhood friends - had stopped Vernon one day and helped Remus to have his cuts looked at. They'd become friends then. Good friends.

When Remus had seen Severus Snape being bullied by Vernon one day in Hogsmeade, he'd gotten in the way. Both he and Severus had tried to protect each other, but it had only gotten worse. Then two girls had run over to them. Lily and Petunia Evans. Vernon fancied Petunia - Remus later learned - and so he had stopped when she'd told him to.

Lily had stayed behind to help Remus and Severus clean up while Petunia dragged Vernon away. So Remus and Severus and Lily all became friends, but Remus couldn't tell James and Sirius - his two best friends hated Severus. They hated him right up until Severus dragged Remus and Sirius together and Lily and James together in their fifth year, right before the yearly Christmas Ball.

Severus had been left alone - he said he liked it that way - until Remus and Lily told their boyfriends that, if they wanted to date them, they'd have to put up with Severus too. So James and Sirius put aside their animosity and befriended Severus. It wasn't a Hogsmeade trip if you didn't see the five together with Nymphadora Tonks and Emmeline Vance.

After James and Lily's deaths, everything fell apart. Sirius blamed Severus for the deaths of their friends - Severus had contacts in Voldemort's men, shouldn't he have known when the psychopath was planning to attack their home. Remus had taken a job at Hogwarts so he could keep in contact with Severus without Sirius killing him, but Severus didn't want any more friends. He killed them all, right?

Nymph and Remus had spent ten long years convincing Severus to come out of his shell. The man was finally starting to smile again, at least around them, and talk.

And then Harry'd come. Harry, who was the personification of Severus' failure. Because of Severus, Harry had no parents. Because of Severus, Harry was "different".

Nothing Remus or Nymph did pulled Severus out of his new depression. Not even Albus' scrapbook project had helped Severus any.

Speaking of the scrapbook, hadn't Harry just been holding it?

Remus' eyes opened wide. Had he come to talk with him? Remus knew he should have talked to Harry earlier - he'd have wanted a contact with his parents if they'd been dead too - but he'd been so worried about Severus....

Remus picked up his phone and dialed Nymph's number. Harry looked like he'd been crying. They needed to find him.

"Nymphadora."

"Hey, Nymph."

"Remus! Is something wrong?!"

Remus rubbed at his eyes. "Yeah. Albus gave Harry the scrapbook and I just saw him, crying. None of us have even tried talking to him since he got here."

Remus could hear Nymph gasp over the line. "Shit! Well, you call Sev and tell him to help us look for Harry or else and I'll start looking."

"What do we do when we find him?" Always ask a woman what to do, they usually know best.

"Calm him down, then bring him by your rooms, I guess. We should all talk to him, and your rooms are the calmest."

"Gee, thanks," Remus offered sarcastically. Quickly, he added. "Okay. I'll call Severus, then."

"Sure thing." Nymph hung up.

Remus put the receiver back down, then picked it up again and called Severus' office.

"Snape."

"Severus, can you help us look for Harry?" Remus asked quickly, hoping the man would agree.

Severus paused for a long moment, then asked in a very careful voice, "Why should I? He should be in Hogsmeade with his little demonic friends, just like the rest of the brats here."

Remus sighed. "He's not. I just saw him out in the hallway with the scrapbook. He was crying and he ran away from me."

"This is not my problem. He's your godson-"

"And it's your fault we haven't had the chance to talk to him, you git!" Remus shouted at the phone. Severus really got on his nerves sometimes.

"I refuse to help you find that spoilt brat," Severus replied nastily, then slammed the phone down.

Remus sighed again and hung up on his end. Why did Severus have to be so difficult all the time?

-~/\~-

Nymph was walking through the silent halls, wondering where Harry could be, when she heard the sound of soft sobs. The sound was coming from an old classroom that wasn't used anymore because there weren't any bathrooms near it - Albus' idea. Nymph knocked on the door. "Hey, kid."

The sound stopped and a soft voice replied, "Go away."

Nymph smiled. "I'm not going away until you tell me what's wrong, mate," she informed the boy on the other side, leaning against the door frame.

"You're bugging me, that's what's wrong," was shot back with a sad sort of anger.

"That's not what Remus said when he called me and asked me to help him look for you."

The door unlocked, then a pale face peeked out with tear-filled green eyes. "Professor Lupin called you to ask him look for me?"

Nymph smiled. "You got it, mate. Why don't you and I go hunt Remus down before he worries himself sick?"

Harry wiped at his wet face. "Why should he worry about me?"

Nymph fought not to frown. "Why shouldn't he? It's not like he has another godson."

The boy's face blanked at the word 'godson'. "Tell him to fuck off." The door slammed closed again.

"Don't go using language you learned from Sirius on me, Harry Potter. I'm your professor and you nee-"

"I don't have you for a professor. Now fuck off."

"Get out here!"

"Make me!"

"Nymphadora!"

Nymph turned slowly, feeling her cheeks heat up. "Hello, Minerva."

"Who are you yelling at? It had better not be a student." Minerva said sternly.

"It's just a boy that got into the school," Nymph reassured the Deputy Headmistress.

"What?!" Harry pulled the door open, then squeaked when Nymph grabbed him about the waist. "Lemme go, Nymph! Lemme go!!"

"Nymphadora," Minerva sighed, shaking her head.

There was the sound of running feet, then two men came around the corner. "You found him," Remus sighed in relief.

Severus sneered. "That's quite enough of your dramatics, Potter."

"Shut up, Snivellus!" Harry shouted.

Everyone froze and Nymph was so shocked at hearing the spiteful name that she let go.

Harry grabbed his book and fled, leaving the four professors staring at one another in shock.

"Uhm, I suppose that wasn't the best way to confront him?" Nymph offered weakly, looking down at the floor and her feet.

"No, I'd say not," Severus sneered.

Remus sighed. "Did he mention why he was upset before?"

"Harry was upset before you manhandled him?" Minerva broke in, making Nymph blush.

"I saw him in the hall, earlier, clutching that book and crying," Remus replied sadly.

Nymph shrugged. "He didn't think you should be worrying about him, but that was all, really."

Severus frowned. "You said he got left with Dursley, Remus?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't look good when Albus got him here," Minerva volunteered, knowing that the three professors wouldn't have known about Harry's condition when he arrived. Albus had made it quite clear that the information was on a need to know basis.

Three heads shot towards her. "What do you mean, 'he didn't look good'?" Severus growled.

"Child abuse," Minerva replied, flinching when the Chemistry professor's eyes darkened.

"I'll kill Vernon," Nymph growled.

"Why wasn't he pulled out earlier?" Remus asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, he can't go back there for Christmas."

"You'll have to take that up with Albus," Minerva replied, turning away. "And you'll have to take that up with your godson." Then she left them to think alone.

-~/\~-

Stupid freak. Making others worry about you. Stupid freak. You're a stupid freak, boy. You're a stupi-

Harry slammed into someone - he hadn't been looking where he was going - and fell to the ground in a heap.

Someone knelt before him. "Harry?"

Harry looked up into concerned blue eyes and burst into fresh tears. Now Dudley was worrying about him too.

Dudley looked around worriedly. What should he do?! He couldn't take Harry back into Hogsmeade - his cousin's friends would kill him if they thought he'd beaten him up again - and he wasn't allowed on Hogwarts grounds.

Nibbling on his lower lip, Dudley picked up his cousin - he was so light! - and carried him back towards St Anthogals. Girls weren't allowed at St Anthogals, but Harry wasn't a girl, he was a boy.

For the first time ever, Dudley found himself grateful for his cousin's disability.

-~/\~-

Remus, Nymph, and Severus spent the rest of the day hunting the castle for their missing charge. When they didn't find him, and he wasn't with his friends at dinner, they went to Albus with the full story.

"You handled that poorly," Albus told them all, giving them grave looks.

"We know," Nymph replied, tears in her eyes.

Albus sighed. "If he hasn't shown up by tomorrow morning, we'll send out a search party. For now, alert his friends that he's missing and ask them to let one of the professors know if he shows up. I'll let the rest of the staff know to watch for him."

"Yes, sir." The three professors stood and left.

Albus sighed. Maybe he should have waited to give Harry the book.

-~/\~-

Harry awoke in a bed that wasn't his. The first thing he did was grab his glasses and put them on, then he looked around.

The room had a very masculine feel to it. Dark-coloured drapes had been drawn over the window and the only light in the room came from a dim nightlight. A desk in one corner was piled with papers and books. A computer monitor sat in one corner quietly while a desk lamp hovered over it grimly. A shoulder-high dresser stood near the end of the bed and Harry climbed out of the bed to look at the photo on the top - whose room was he in?

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon smiled back at him and Harry sighed. Now that he thought about it, he remembered running into Dudley while he was running away from Hogwarts. But why had his cousin brought him here? Had the distance from Vernon finally reminded Dudley that he didn't always have to be mean? Like that time Uncle Vernon went on a business trip when Harry was six. By the time Vernon had returned, Harry and Dudley were playing together and Harry was sleeping on a cot in Dudley's room instead of in his closet.

Harry wanted Vernon to go away more often.

The door of the room opened and the overhead light flared to life. "You're up," Dudley murmured, closing the door behind him.

Harry looked over at his cousin, frowning when he noticed that Dudley was carrying a covered plate. "What's that?"

Dudley stepped over and, holding Harry's hand out, placed the plate on it. "Your dinner. Eat it."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not getting murdered by your friends because I didn't feed you," Dudley shot back. "Eat that or I'll shove it down your throat."

Harry muttered to himself, but sat on the bed again and took the cover off the plate. Baked fish, egg noodles, and a mix of beans and carrots. Harry glanced up at his cousin, who had sat down at his desk and pulled out a book and some papers. "Thanks," he whispered.

Dudley glanced over his shoulder. "Eat it."

Harry picked up the fork that was also on the plate and started in on the noodles. The room filled with near-silence as Harry ate and Dudley worked on his homework.

The silence was broken by Harry once he'd eaten most of the food. "Why'd you bring me here?"

Dudley sighed and, putting down his pen, turned in his chair so he could see Harry. "Because I couldn't take you back to Hogwarts - guys aren't allowed there normally - and I didn't feel like facing your friends while you were in tears."

Harry blushed. "Sorry."

Dudley waved off the apology. "They have every right to be protective."

Harry shrugged uncomfortably. "I should go back to school..."

"It's late," Dudley cut in. "I'll walk you back in the morning."

"You'll miss class!" Harry's head shot up.

Dudley gave Harry a tired look. "I'm not letting you walk back to Hogwarts in the dark by yourself and going out now means breaking curfew, which is generally a bad idea. I've got a cot that you can sleep on - you're staying the night." He turned back to his work.

"Dud-"

"This isn't up for discussion, Harry."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "But-"

Dudley turned back around. "Why is it that when I finally start treating you like a girl you want to be a bloke again?"

Harry's mouth slammed shut and stared at his cousin in shock.

Dudley nodded. "The cot's under the bed if you want to go back to sleep. Feel free to steal a shirt to sleep in." He turned back to his homework again.

Harry quietly pulled out the cot and set it up, then changed into one of Dudley's overly-large shirts. The shirt was so big on him that it was falling off his shoulders and danced at his knees. Harry took a seat on the cot and dragged over his photo album, hugging it to his chest, and watched Dudley work - his cousin had never been one to do homework in the past.

Dudley glanced over after a good twenty minutes of silence, feeling eyes on him, and met Harry's gaze. "Bored?"

Harry shrugged and hugged his book tighter. "I don't know. I was just thinking that it was odd to watch you actually studying for once." He smiled unsurely.

Dudley smiled. "I realized that Weasley was getting better grades than me, so I started studying. It's kind of fun, but I don't always understand stuff."

Harry blinked a few times, then stood. "Can I help?"

"Sure." Dudley waved Harry over. "What do you know about Latin?"

Harry smiled and set his book down on his bed, then hopped over to Dudley and leaned over to help him.

-~/\~-

"Har's still not back, sir," Hermione reported to the Headmaster early the next morning. "We could all go out and see if we can locat-"

"You six need to go to class," Dumbledore interrupted. "I'll have some adults look for Miss Potter."

The six friends traded worried looks, but nodded. "Okay."

Outside the Headmaster's office, they traded looks again. Harry was more important than school. They'd go against the Headmaster's orders and search for Harry anyway.

Dumbledore sighed as he watched the students walk away determinedly through the one-way glass in his door. They weren't going to listen to him, he knew. "If nothing else, your son has made himself some very loyal friends," he muttered to the picture of Lily and James on his desk.

-~/\~-

Dudley and Harry snuck out of St Anthogals with a spring in their steps and both bundled up to the best of Dudley's wardrobe. The two cousins had stayed up late the previous night reconnecting after years of being enemies under the roof of Vernon Dursley. They'd finished Dudley's homework, and then played some computer games, trying not to get too loud. Once they'd grown bored with the games, they both lay down in Dudley's bed and chatted all night about random nonsense before falling asleep.

"Can we stop and get some hot cocoa?" Harry pleaded.

Dudley smiled. "I don't see why not. We'll be late to our first classes anyway."

Harry's face fell. "Oh, yeah..."

Dudley sighed and grabbed Harry's arm. "Come on. We're getting hot cocoa and it won't matter that we're late, right?"

"But-"

"Oh, shut up, Harry." Dudley rolled his eyes and led the way over to The Three Broomsticks. Dudley got them both hot cocoas, then they continued their walk from the pub towards Hogwarts. "Should I walk you in?"

Harry made a face. "I seriously doubt anything's going to attack me between the gates of the school and the front doors, and you need to get to class."

Dudley smiled and ruffled Harry's long hair gently. "I'll just walk with you until we can see the doors clearly, then. I know there's a hill between the gates and the school itself and I don't want you wandering without someone keeping their eye on you."

"You're worse than Tom!" Harry declared, nudging his cousin with his shoulder.

"Maybe next time you'll go find her instead of running into me, hm?" Dudley teased.

Harry shrugged uncomfortably. "Maybe."

Dudley sighed and made Harry stop, then tipped his head up so their eyes met. "Listen to me, Harry James Potter. I don't care what Dad's been screaming at you, you're not worthless and you may be different, but you're certainly not a freak. You deserve to be happy, just as much as the next bloke or girl. You have lots of people who consider you worth their time and, next time you're upset, you should go to them, rather than running away. Promise me you won't run away like you did this time, okay? You'll get yourself hurt like that."

Harry nodded and, letting his book drop to the ground, hugged his cousin tightly. "I promise."

Dudley nodded, hugging Harry back. "Good." He pulled away. "And remember you're always welcome in my dorm, right?"

Harry smiled faintly. "Even though I go to Hogwarts?"

"Hey, as long as you don't wear your uniform, who's going to know?" Dudley teased.

Harry shook his head, amused. "You're a real jerk, Dudley."

"I know." Dudley winked and they both laughed.

"Harry!"

Harry and Dudley both looked up and found that Harry's friends were staring at them incredulously. Harry sighed and picked up his book again. "Thanks, Dudley."

Dudley nodded. "Be good."

Harry snorted. "You too." Then he turned and walked towards his friends.

"What were you doing with him?" Tom demanded when Harry reached his friends.

Harry sighed again. "He took me out for hot cocoa. Let's get to class."

"Not until you tell us where you've been!" Gin demanded.

"We've been worried sick," Pansy agreed.

Harry frowned. "I can take care of myself," he informed them, then headed towards the school, sipping at his cocoa.

Hermione, Gin, Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and Tom traded looks, then followed Harry. "Would you please tell us where you've been?" Hermione requested.

"I was with Dudley," Harry replied tightly.

"He better not have-"

Harry turned on Tom with a cold look. "He was a perfect gentleman. You be nice to him or I'll dump my hot cocoa on you. Now shut up and let's get to class."

The group was silent the rest of the way to the front doors. Waiting for them in the middle of the entrance was Headmaster Dumbledore, and he didn't look happy.

"Sir-" Hermione started.

Dumbledore shot the brunette a silencing look. "Miss Potter, you are to come with me. The rest of you are to report to your classes."

The seven friends parted ways silently, Harry following the Headmaster while the other six went to either Chemistry or History.

Once in Dumbledore's office, Harry sat uncomfortably in one of the chairs before the Headmaster's desk while the old man gave him a stern look. The two were silent for a look moment.

"Where were you?"

"St Anthogals," Harry offered tightly.

Dumbledore frowned. "With which of your friends?"

Harry narrowed his eyes at the carpet. "None of your business."

"Harry..." Dumbledore sighed heavily. "Voldemort is back-"

"I'm well aware of that," Harry hissed, looking up coldly.

"Then you should also be aware that you need to be more careful."

"I'm not going to break if he looks at me!" Harry shouted angrily. "I don't need people looking over my shoulder every second of the day, damnit!"

Dumbledore frowned at Harry's language, but didn't comment. "You're on the top of his hit list, Harry."

"I know."

Dumbledore let out another sigh and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "You need to keep someone with you at all times or I will restrict you to the castle."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to allow one of my friends to be killed with me?"

Dumbledore flinched. "That's not what I meant."

"I would rather know that I am the only one putting my life on the line, thanks," Harry hissed coldly. "I'd rather die without knowing that I'd led one of my friends to their deaths because Voldemort thinks I have something that will help him take over the country, thanks." He stood. "I have to change before class. Good day, Headmaster."

The Headmaster sighed as the door to his office slammed. This was not turning out to be a good day.

-~/\~-

-~\/~-

A/N: I couldn't sleep - my dorm mates were being too loud next door - so I finished this chapter, instead. Got a bit distracted when one of my friends dropped by my workspace in the Study Room for a chat. Oh well.

Oiy, I'm kinda tired now, ya know? *dozes* Wah.

Read, review, and visit this fic’s website for any basic questions.
~Bats

Chapters:
First 5 chapters on website.
6 - Intruding Nightmares ||| 7 - Luna Lovegood ||| 8 - The Great Potter Mystery
9 - The Scrapbook's Curse ||| 10 - What it Means to Be Wanted ||| 11 - Iona Gates
12 - Dresses & Partners
Discontinued

.

Comments

[flosspyromaniac.livejournal.com]

Yaay! Updates!!
We're getting a bit book 5 CAPS LOCK alert-ish hmmm? Poor Harry's getting all stressed... It's not going good for Harry is it? Like the scrapbook though...
OMG Reclaim update! *fangirl squeeing* I'll do the beta if you need it!! *snorts* Promise I'm better at looking over other people's stuff lol...
Go sleep *pets*
Floss

[petunia-uphill.livejournal.com]

That was great! It was even a bit longer than usual for this fic, or does my memory fail? I loved it! One of the biggest reasons I love all your fics is that you are so original, and this is a prime example.

[sandrasolaria.livejournal.com]

Woot! Updates. You tell that beta of yours that you have rabid fans. 0.o We're crazy! See. We have different size eyes. 0.o o.0

[raginwaterz.livejournal.com]

Woohoo, an update. I can't wait to find out how you're going to write out Voldermort's character. What is he suposed to be, a terrorist? newho...looking foward to the new chap of Reclaim...woot woot! I'm having a horrible week, what with the MTA workers' strike and everything but this chappie definately helped.

[yume-no-yuki.livejournal.com]

The fic's so interesting. I'm really curious as to why Voldemort would think Harry has something to help him take over the country when it's all..non-magical..eeeh. Must know more of the plot..