DRABBLE: "Tarnished" ~ PG-13

[batsutousai]

Title: “Tarnished”
Author: batsutousai
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Cutting, depressing thoughts
Disclaim Her: Nope.

A/N: Haven’t a clue where this one came from. Wrote it September of last year.



"Tarnished"


He didn't know why he did it. It felt good, he supposed. In some weird, demented corner of his mind, the pain was comforting.

The blood flowing down his wrist was a comforting sight. All that red... It matched the colours of the House he belonged to. Gryffindor. Gryffindors were brave. Gryffindors were perfect.

He was perfect.

A sound on the stairs made him quickly spell the wound closed and healed, the blood gone from sight.

A mop of red hair peeked around the corner. "Harry? You coming to dinner, mate?"

"Of course, Ron." A smile. 'Just smile and nod.' How appropriate. "I'll be down to go with you and Hermione in a moment."

"Great!" Ron really smiled. Then he disappeared back out into the hallway, steps receeding down the stone steps.

He looked back at his perfect skin. He remembered the blood. He remembered the feeling of freedom from his worries, the chance to relax.

"I should have been in Slytherin after all." He whispered emotionlessly before plastering a large smile on his face and leaving the room.

Things were never as they seemed. Not for Harry Potter. Gryffindor Golden Boy. Boy-Who-Lived. Boy Wonder. Perfect.

Can you see the tarnish?

Comments

[order_of_chaos]

*blinks* I hadn't read THIS yet...

Gryffindors were brave. Gryffindors were perfect.
He was perfect.

Is scary, yes. All pretty and broken green eyes and false smiles and blood blood blood. And it WON'T be alright, no.
But I like it.
Reminds me more of Yugioh fandom for some reason.

[noagirl.livejournal.com]

^.^
Does it really? *reads it over again* Yeah, I can almost see that... Wrote something a bit more indepth than this once for YGO... Wonder if I can still find it... *thoughtful look*

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

very well written. ^^ It catches the way cutters act and feel rather well. As a matter of fact, perhaps even better than some stories that are written by cutters or ex-cutters I know. That could also be because you're simply better at writting. Who knows? But still, very well done.

[noagirl.livejournal.com]

*bows* Thank you. And perhaps it's a mix of my being an ex-cutter and a good writer, neh? ^.^

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yeah ^^' probably. Cutters and ex-cutters understand it much better than other people would. Because they've gone through it.
*raises hand* I think I also belong in that category. ^^ Or at least I hope I'm a good writter. ^^'
I've heard that the more a writter has gone through the better they can write. ^^ there are several examples of that, one of the best known would be Tolkien.

[batsutousai]

Yeah. The more you go through, the more you know(or perhaps understand) about the world.
I'm sure you're a fine writer!However, having never read any of your works, I cannot say for certain.

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

That's the way I see it too. For instance, if you've been a cutter, you'll understand it better. If you have friends that are cutters, you'll understand the way friends react to it. And if you have people in your family that have cut, you'll understand that perspective too. I have all of those perspectives on it. ^^' And all of those perspectives for attempted suicide or almost attemted suicide (where they stop themselves at the last moment).
However, there's always some things that you understand without having to live through it. But I don't think that that understanding can ever be as deep as the other. ^^
The most important thing, I think, for writting stories though, is the characters. They have to each have a different way to talk and, especially in fantasy and science fiction, you have to make sure that they don't get too powerful or perfect. You have to keep them human. Create them so that they come alive and are not just characters on a piece of paper. Making a character real and everyone to have a different way to talk is more difficult than most peoople realise. And you can't loose your own voice during the story either. A style I'm trying out is for some prologues to an AU fic I'm working on in another fandom. Basically it's the person looking back at their past for a paragraph in first person then it switches to third person narative describing what's happening. I've found that if done well it really captures the mood. Or at least I hope so. ^^' I'm still waiting on getting feedback on it from a friend. She seems to think that I'm a good writter. ^^'
hehe, true enough ^^' you haven't. And I've put my Harry Potter stories on hold, because I got writtersblock on one and another I was too lazy to re-write. ^^' And then my old computer crashed with all the stories on it. ^^' Have everything on a CD somewhere, just don't know where it is. ^^ I never managed to write a HP slash fic though, even though I always enjoyed reading them. ^^' As a matter of fact, the only fandom I've written mostly slash is in DC Comics. ^^' That might be because when I got into that fandom I joined all sorts of groups and communities for slash, which I never did before. ^^
I think you're a brilliant author though. ^^
btw, if I ever review on ff.net it'll be under Earth Magician. I've got too many different names. ^^'

[noagirl.livejournal.com]

Aye. *nods solemnly* Just be glad you haven't had a friend actually comit suicide yet. That is painful.
The characters are important, yes. If you push them too far away from what they were originally made to be, people will flame you rather than praise you. -.- Rather annoying, really.
Of course, they can be not human, if that's what they're intended for. JK doesn't really write Voldemort to be human, he's supposed to be a monster. It's the fan writers that make him human. *laughes*

A style I'm trying out is for some prologues to an AU fic I'm working on in another fandom. Basically it's the person looking back at their past for a paragraph in first person then it switches to third person narative describing what's happening. I've found that if done well it really captures the mood. Or at least I hope so. ^^'
Oh! Oh! I tried something like that!! I'd post it on here, except I handed it in for a contest of sorts and I won't be able to publically post it till end of the summer. Pity, that.
The style is always fun, though. And it's the trying other styles than the ones we're used to that make us better, of course.

*hums* I never got into DC Comics. I fell for Anime and Manga first. *laughes* It's fun to look back on where we originally came from. Always a bit of an eye-opener! ^.~

Aw, thank you. ^.^

I shall keep an eye out for you then!!
And, trust me, we all have multiple names on the web. I've got... *thinks* ...about 10...I think... O.o

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yeah, I really am glad about it. I have a friend who had two close friends commit suicide. She was really down about it. And my sister attempted suicide. That was also a really bad experience. If they were to actually suceed, then it would be even worse. x.x
yeah, I know. Of course, that's one of the beauties of original fiction and AU fics. ^^ you can do anything you want to do there, and no one has the right to complain. ;) Wierd thing is that no one has ever complained about my the characters I write being out of character, unless it's the first fanfic I've written from the series.
lol, true enough. But if you were to go into his psychology, then you could show why he became Voldemort and give him a very human way of looking at things. Because most people don't do what they think is wrong, they do things because they think that that's the right thing to do. So for instance if you have it that Voldemort is trying to get rid of Muggles so that no one has to suffer through what he did when he was a child, that would be a very human goal. Who could blame him for it? It's the reasons behind what you do that counts, it's those that make you human.
I've seen animals act very human and other times not at all. And some humans have lost their touch with humanity and gone insane, but there was something else that came first. ^^
really? cool! ^^ I gave up particapating in contests. ^^' I never win anyways. ^^' Besides, most of the time they dictate what to write in them, and I just can't do that. I can write what I'm told to, but it'll never turn out as well as something I decide to do. ^^
I know. My personal favourite is that of the all knowing narator, who knows what everyone is feeling. ^^ I go deep into psychology. ^^
lol, really? I fell for Anime/Manga first too! ^^ Then came Harry Potter, then I only wrote original for a while (leaving all the remaining HP ideas on the side - though some of them were really good) and now I've gone on to DC Comics. All along though I continued reading fanfiction from the series I passed, but stopped writting for them. ^^
Nice thing about DC Comics is that the characters have existed for so long and have gone through so many different authors that they're really well developed. ^^
^^ you're welcome
lol, thanks ^^ hehe, I've got at least 13. ^^' Most of the stuff I write I don't really post. ^^' Either that or just on my lj. ^^ I might just be too shy about it. ^^

[batsutousai]

Yea... One of my close friends commited suicide. I was out of it for weeks following. It was a nightmare.
Oh, the readers still complain about characters being OOC even if the fic is marked as an AU. *rolls eyes* People these days are so fucking picky! *laughes*
Exactly! Wuah. Someone who reads my mind. Fabulous. ^.^
The majority of the contests I enter don't really have prizes per say. I mean, you'll get the recognition and you might get more readers, but there isn't really a prize.
*laughes* The only problem is when the all-knowing narrator tells the readers something you weren't quite ready for them to find out. Then you just want the all-knowing narrator to dig itself a hole and die. ^.~
I don't normally go back to my old favourites... *shrugs* I mean, I just recently went through a minor Digimon phase again where I flocked back to all my old favourite sites, and I posted that one Yu-Gi-Ou! fic of mine from a while ago up here.... I dunno. I think I prefer sticking with the fandom I'm in. Ya start getting crazy ideas, else! O.O
*laughes* So very true! My father still has some DC Comics sitting around from 30 years ago. The characters now are only slightly related to what they once were. T.T I liked the old ones...
*pats*

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

*hugs* sorry. But at least they're free now. Not my ideal way of being free, but hopefully they're happy where they are now. ^^
yeah, sometimes people just don't make sense. Because if the story is an AU you just can't expect the characters to be identical to those in the original piece. It just doesn't make sense. And how people can demand that - it's bizare. ^^'
lol, well there is a thing in my family about reading minds, but I don't think that's quite it. ;) But I guess we can say, 'Great minds think alike.' ;)
I stopped entering contests once my sister won instead of me. ^^' She's always better than me and there are better authors than me. But I guess a reason I didn't win could be that I just submitted short stories, not anything long. But it really hurt that my sister won, who hadn't ever written Harry Potter fanfiction before, and I didn't. ^^' One of the things that lead me to giving up on writing HP fanfiction. ^^'
lol, true enough ^^ But then there's always something else that hasn't been said yet. ;) And I've found that if it comes out that way that it's time for it to come out. And there's always going to be a plot twist coming up that you aren't aware of yet that'll change everything. ^^
I get crazy ideas regardless. ^^ And I've still got ideas from other series that I never used. ^^ One HP story that I kinda wish I'd used, but I won't. ^^
lol, my parents remember the original ones from 50 or 60 years ago. ^^' I even have a collection of Batman comics from back then.
Thirty years ago - that was the Silver Age. And then all those different worlds came to be. Finally in 'Crisis on Many Earths' the many worlds were melted into one and loads of characters were killed off, like the silver age Flash (Barry Allen). Plus there were several other characters killed off in the 80s. That changed characters. And it looks like there's another time coming up where they're going to be killing off loads of characters. Not to long ago 'Countdown to Crisis' and the 6 comics in the series 'Identity Crisis' came out. I can't say that I like what they're doing to the characters right now either. *blushes* yeah, I know too much about DC comics ^^'
*is patted on head* ^^

[batsutousai]

Not ideal at all. But, meh. He wasn't happy here, so I'm assuming he's much happier where he is now.
I've come to the conclusion that the world at large makes no sense. Easier on the mind.(sorta...)
*snort* My lil sis is better than me in many things. Lucky for me, writing isn't one of them.(Actually, I don't think any of my living sibilings are better at writing than me. O.o I just got lucky, I guess...)
Plot twists are fun, but annoying. Especcially when they refuse to work...
Oiy. Your parents are obviously older than mine. *laughes*
*sniggers* Yeah, perhaps you do know a bit much about DC Comics. But, to be fair, true fans of anything could probably rattle off a bunch of random information about their fandom. ^.~
*pats again with an amused look*

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yeah, and for that I'm happy ^^
lol, yeah, true enough. ^^ Like my friend. It's obvious that she and this other friend are in love and would be a great couple. Everyone who knows them agrees. But she's not willing to accept that her ex was the wrong guy and that he isn't a good person. -.- He abused her verbally and even a bit physically. They weren't good for each other.
lol, often it seems to me that she's better than me at everything. That I'm not ever going to be as good as she is. ^^'
the plot twists in my fics build themselves in. I don't do it conciously. As I said, I let the stories form themselves. But the problems come when you have too many plot twists and too many different plots all going on at the same time. Then it's easy to get mixed up as well and your reader is as well. ^^'
lol, yeah, my dad will be 62 in October and my mom 60 in August. ^^
yeah, true enough ^^' But I know more than a few people that don't know DC comics as well as I do and have been collecting for longer than me. ^^ So that's a bit wierd. ^^'
*is batted yet again on the head* ^^
btw, I just turned 18! ^^ My birthday is/was on the 12th. ^^ *dances*

[batsutousai]

That is just an awful situation to be in.(Your friend's ex sounds like my stepmother... -.-)
Naw. Don't think that way. You'll soon find something that you kick arse in that your sis couldn't do to save her life.
*laughes* That it is!! Of course, when you wirte down everything that's happened/will be happening, you can keep track better, but sometimes those plot twists just happen and you're left going, "huh?"
O.O They are old. My mum's turning 48 this December, my dad just turned 49.
Perhaps they just aren't big fans. *amused look* Well, when you write fanfiction, though, you actually look into that bunch of information so you can write the stuff as it should be written, right? *grins*
^.^ *pats again, just because she's bored*
Yay!! Happy birthday! *huggles*

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yeah, I agree.
he does? yikes! I guess that means you don't like her that much ;)
that's my main problem. I'll write up a short summary and that has a few plot twists in it. Then I'll write the entire fic and the further along I get the less it's like the original plot I wrote up. ^^' That's why I've given up on writting scenes before they happen, because often they won't end up happening that way. ^^'
lol, see? so it makes sense that they read the old comics. ^^
well, I know that I do. But apparently not everyone does. ^^' And some of them are even bigger fans than I am. I think that they just don't like to do research. ^^' But I agree with you. If you don't do the research you can't make the characters as deep. For instance it was a lot more difficult for me to write Teen Titan toon fics because I hadn't seen most of the episodes. Now that I have, I got a few decent fics done for the series. ^^'
lol *is patted again* btw, did you notice that last time I accidently typed 'batted' instead of 'patted'? *is amused*
thanks! ^^ (even though it was about a week ago ^^')

[noagirl.livejournal.com]

"Not like" is an understatement. The woman and I cannot be in the same room for more than about ten minutes before one of us starts throwing accusations around. I think it's bothering my father, but, seeing as he and I don't see eye-to-eye on much anymore, that's nothing new... -.-
I know! For instance, Abandon wasn't supposed to be nearly as long as it is, and scenes that I had written a while ago no longer work out. It's annoying... -.-
LOL!! Suppose it does...
*nods* Exactly.
Actually, I had. I think that's why I had to pat you again, to make up for the batting. *snorts* Shall I pat you again, or did you prefer being batted?
*laughes nervously* Yes, I'm so bad at keeping up with my email lately... and that's the way I check on replies here at LJ... ^.^"

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yeah, I kinda got that ^^' It's really too bad, but I guess it could be worse. At always could be.
yep, that's my point. Never write scenes ahead of time. It just doesn't work out. ^^ Besides, if you keep the ideas for them in your head, but only put them on to paper later on, then you have more versatility. You can keep the basic idea of the scene and still have it fit in with the story. ^^ Or you can hint at it. In the story I'm writting for instance, it's the place where everything has been leading to. The peak of suspension, soon followed by the turning point. So, I'm leading up to it with the main character dreaming of it and those dreams becoming clearer and clearer until it happens. ^^
lol, yep, it does ^^
^^ see? (in both comments I'm not quite sure what's being talked about anymore, but just saying something - which is typical for me)
lol, see? I make fun of my own spelling mistakes too! ^^ I do prefer the patting though ^^ lol
lol, me too ^^ and I've also gotten a bit behind. I spent all my weekend with my boyfriend and today I had to finish a self portrait (which is on my lj) for school ^^

[batsutousai]

Yes, it could always be worse. Must keep believe that.
Yes, well, I'm learning, slowly, to let the damn fic write itself. Damn things.
Indeed.
*nods* Yes, I do see.(*laughes* Makes two of us, then. Of course, pointless comments are usually rather fun... XD)
Oh, okay. *pats some more*
Was that a hint? Do you want me to go look at it? *cocks eyebrow with an amused smile*

[raven-kerry.livejournal.com]

yep ^^ always remember that it could be worse ^^
lol, it takes time ^^ good things always take their time ;D
quite ^^
oh, I know ^^ I always enjoy making pointless comments to things I can either remember or not - makes a conversation more interesting after all ;)
wee! I'm being patted! horray! let's party!
yes! It was! XD