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batsutousaiTitle: Come What May
Series: Part one of Our Sinner's Redemption
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Author: Batsutousai
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Darius/Edward Elric/Heinkel, pre-Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Warnings: Ed's potty mouth, spoilers for FMA:B ending, canon-typical violence, pile 'o OCs, survivor's guilt, angst, original character death, slow build (btwn Ed & Roy), referenced underage relationships, off-screen violence against women
Summary: After the Promised Day, with his alchemy still intact thanks to Hohenheim's sacrifice, Ed finds himself and his chimera team getting dragged into the shadowy world of military secrets in an attempt to keep Bradley's legacy from causing a civil war.
A/N: A few time skips in this chapter, because I didn't feel like writing filler, so...
Also, so, I have this headcanon that Greed was omni-/pansexual, and because he's freaking Greed, he wants all of the sex in all of the ways and Ed and Darius and Heinkel were stuck with him for at least four months, so they got roped into a lot of weird orgies and shit. Given that, Ed's got a weird relationship with Darius and Heinkel, which shows in their interactions, especially in this part of the series. While I intend this series to eventually be Ed/Roy, you only get hints in this part. (Part two is when they'll actually get together.)
So, I admit, I waffled over the age of consent for a while. My American upbringing says 18, but given Amestris is loosely based on a mesh of Western European nations, and the age of consent there ranges from 14 to 16 (17 in Ireland), I settled on a soft 16 (technically, in the canon of this series, Ed was 15 the first time he had sex). That said, I don't intend to let Roy and Ed sleep together until Ed is at least the latter half of 17, if not 18.
Which isn't to say Ed is abstinent, because he's not. But Ed/Roy is the only porn you'll actually see on screen in the main part of this series. (Side-shots, however, will run the gambit, and I'll be posting those on AO3 and LiveJournal when the chapters they're attached to go up; more on that in chapter four.)
It occurs to me that I never actually added to the warnings that Ed suffers from panic attacks. (I swear it makes sense when you think about it; I'm surprised more of the characters don't have some sort of psychological disorder. Sort of. Okay, not really. There's way too much a stigma about that making people weak. :/ ) There's one in this chapter, and they'll be a bit sporadic throughout the series. I'll try to remember to put a note at the top of any chapter they show up in, but sorry in advance if I miss one.
About an hour before lunch, Ed left his sleeping brother a note and wandered downstairs to the room he'd found out the chimeras were staying in. Since Heinkel had somehow been mostly healed – Al had mentioned Dr Marcoh, when Ed had asked him after finding out the lion chimera had been released already – after being left behind, that left only Darius, Jerso, and Zampano to be stuck in hospital, and they'd all ended up in the same room. (Ed could see the sense in that, given they were the only three human chimeras left, so far as he was aware. Honestly, he'd half expected them to have high-tailed it as soon as the fighting was done, rather than chance getting corralled as science experiments.)
When he reached the door, Ed kicked it open – he could fix it, and he'd spent long enough thinking over what Grumman had said to be a little irritated with the gorilla – and called, "Darius! Which of you fuckers told Grumman I was officer material?!"
There was the sound of something weighty hitting the floor, then Jerso and Zampano broke out into sniggers as a half-naked Darius jumped to his feet on the far side of one of the beds and shouted, "That door was locked, Ed!"
Ed snorted and closed the door behind himself. A clap and a brief thought had the broken lock and door frame fixed, then he turned on the part-gorilla, who was scrambling to step into his trousers. "Seen it," he reminded the man, and Darius scowled at him, but slowed down.
"We both did," Heinkel said, and Ed turned to find him standing in the doorway of the attached bathroom, dressed in the familiar white shirt and trench coat ensemble that made up his preferred civilian wear. "Are you sticking with the military?"
Ed huffed. "Yeah. After Al's stronger. Why do you even fucking care, traitor?"
"Oiy!" Darius snapped, stepping around his bed and waving a finger at Ed. "We got pardoned for that shit!"
Ed rolled his eyes and jerked his thumb at himself. "Traitor to me, monkey-brain."
"You wanna fight?!" Darius roared, to the clear amusement of Jerso and Zampano.
Ed considered that, then raised his fists. "Yeah. Let's go."
"Stop it," Heinkel ordered, stepping between them and putting one hand against Darius' chest. "Ed's wounded."
Darius let out an irritated noise, but relaxed back. "It's not like we sold you out," he muttered. "When you're not being childish, you're a fine commander."
"Bit unconventional," Zampano added, before Ed could tell Darius where to shove that shit, "but you get things done."
"And you care," Jerso added, and Ed was beginning to realise that they were all against him. "The military needs more commanders that care. If Zampano and I were willing to stick it out in the military, we'd want under your command, same as those two fools."
Ed stared at the group, feeling honestly thrown. "I– Wait, what?" He focussed on Heinkel and Darius. "Under my command?"
Heinkel turned so he was fully facing Ed. "We told the Führer we'd only re-enlist if we could serve under you."
"Are–" Ed had to stop, swallow a block that tasted like guilt and gratitude. "Are you two fucking insane?!" he shouted.
"Yes," Darius agreed, and Ed honestly couldn't tell which of them his mocking smile was aimed at. "Other than the military, what is there for us?"
"Jerso and Zampano want to find a way to get rid of their animal halves," Heinkel added, his voice gentle, almost kind. "Darius and I, you know we're happy the way we are, but there's not many positions out there for chimeras. So we talked it over and decided, if you were going to stick it out, we'd stay with you."
"After all," Darius added, and his mocking tone was definitely aimed at Ed that time, "someone has to drag your tiny arse away from the guns."
"That was one time!" Ed shouted, fighting against the inexplicable urge to hug himself. "You won't get– I won't let–" He stopped, gasping for a breath that wouldn't come, while his mind raced off in that terrible direction of broken bodies, of all the things that could go wrong, that could rip even these two arseholes to shreds.
"Ed!" Heinkel and Darius called, and Ed felt arms around him, bulky and familiar, before he was sat on the edge of a bed, those same familiar hands keeping contact, giving him something to focus on.
"Breathe, kid," Heinkel was ordering from in front of him, his hands on Ed's knees, while Darius' hands were a solid weight on his shoulders. "You're having an attack."
Ed wrapped his arms around his middle, leaning forward and crushing them between his thighs and abdomen, closing his eyes so he could focus on taking slow, deep breaths, and the steadying warmth of life from these two idiots. "Fuck," he got out once his heart had stopped trying to beat its way out of his chest. "Fuck." He hated these fucking attacks, wished there was a way to get them to stop, that he wasn't so weak that the mere thought of his own bad choices endangering someone else set him off. (It could be worse, he knew, they could trigger in the heat of the moment, but the fact that they didn't was a cold comfort when held against the fact that he was pathetic enough to suffer them in the first place.)
One of Darius' hands moved down, rubbing circles over his back, and Ed sat up slowly. "You gonna be okay?"
Ed felt his jaw lock, and it was a real effort to force out, "I am not going to be fucking responsible for leading you two to your deaths."
"Don't sell us short," Darius snapped.
Heinkel sighed and gently tapped the side of Ed's leg until he looked at him, distracting him from reacting to the forbidden 's'-word. "Ed, is Al going to keep with you?"
Ed shook his head. "Fuck, no. He's going to Xing."
Heinkel blinked at that. "Right. So, next time you get sent on one of your ridiculously dangerous missions–" because Ed had told Heinkel and Darius (and Greed and Ling) about some of his adventures while they'd travelled together "–who's going to have your back? Who's going to pull you out of the next mineshaft?"
Ed ground his teeth together, hating that the man had a point.
"Equivalent exchange, right?" Darius asked, something like kindness in his voice. "We keep you alive, you keep us alive. Keep us out of any labs."
"Anyone tries turning you into a fucking experiment, you fucking punch them in the face and run for it," Ed snarled, turning to glare over his shoulder at the huge idiot. "I thought I explained that shit to you already, monk–"
Heinkel reached past Ed and shoved Darius' shoulder, and the part-gorilla overbalanced and fell over backward, off the bed. "Grow up. Both of you," he said tiredly, while Zampano and Jerso roared with laughter.
"Heinkel!" Darius snarled, jumping to his feet.
Heinkel sighed. "Ed, you're stuck with us. We told you, didn't we? Our animal instincts say we're good right where we are."
"Last time your animal instincts said that," Ed returned drily, "you almost got killed by Pride."
"Almost," Heinkel agreed, before he pressed a finger against Ed's chest. "But you stopped him."
"We got lucky," Ed tried. "If old man Fu hadn't had flash bombs–"
"Those flash bombs weren't what stopped Pride from finishing me off," Heinkel interrupted.
Ed brought up his very much flesh right arm between them. "That's not going to fucking work any more," he hissed.
"What was it you used?" Heinkel returned, undeterred. "Carbon, right? So carry around a chunk of it in your pocket and transmute it into a glove next time you need to deflect a hit."
"That–!" Ed stopped, blinking. "Oh." That was...actually pretty genius. Maybe not a chunk of carbon in his pocket, but work carbon into the fibres of a jacket or shirt or something, spread them out for regular wear, and then focus them into a glove or wherever when he needed it, sort of like how Greed shifted the carbon in his body around the part he needed to protect. Maybe carry a diamond in his pocket in case he got caught without whatever clothing he's got the carbon worked into?
"Great," Darius rumbled as he came around the bed and shoved Heinkel. "Now you've given him some sort of crazy-fool idea."
"Fullmetal," Jerso called, and Ed glanced over at him, his mind still running calculations of how large a diamond he'd need to serve as a good-sized glove. "Al's going to Xing?"
It took Ed a moment, but he managed to switch mental tracks. "Yeah. Said he wants to study alkahestry. Travel some outside our borders. Why?"
Jerso and Zampano traded looks. "We want to get our bodies back," Jerso offered. "Al's the one who told us to keep at that dream, but neither of us know much of anything about alchemy. Figured we could maybe stick with him, see if he couldn't find a way to help us. Watch his back in exchange."
It took Ed about point zero two seconds to get attached to that idea; as much as he didn't want Darius and Heinkel putting themselves in danger by following him around, he wanted Jerso and Zampano sticking with Al, keeping him safe. Which, yeah, he was a complete and utter hypocrite, but he also knew Al didn't quite have his skill when it came to getting caught up in dangerous situations, which meant he was less likely to get his travelling companions stupidly killed. "Yes," he said, pointing at them. "I'll talk to him, get him to agree."
"Maybe one of us should talk to Al," Darius said in a faux whisper. "Get him to talk Ed into–"
"Fuck it, fine!" Ed snapped, turning to glare at the part-gorilla. "If you're really that fucking attached to following me into danger, go for it, but I'm not going to listen to your shit when you end up stuck in hospital. We clear?"
"Sure thing," Darius agreed, and Ed wanted to punch the victorious smile off his face.
Someone knocked on the door and a voice ordered, "Open up!"
All of them stiffened and turned to stare at the door, Ed and Heinkel both getting to their feet. Zampano, being the closest, stepped over and opened the door, revealing two military police with a wide-eyed nurse standing behind them. "Can we help you?" Zampano asked, his tone cool.
"We got reports of shouting and violence from this room," the lead MP said, staring up at the blond man with a hard expression. "This is a hospital, animal, not–"
"Hey!" Ed shouted, vaulting over the bed and stalking towards the door while the four chimeras stiffened. "The fuck's your issue? You don't go around calling people fucking animals!"
The MP turned his hard stare on Ed, but before he could say anything, his partner realised, "You're the Fullmetal Alchemist."
"Major Elric!" the nurse called from behind the MPs. "You're supposed to be in bed!"
Ed swore he heard Darius whisper, "Busted."
Ed threw a glare over his shoulder, just in case, then focussed on the MPs. "Yeah, I'm Fullmetal. What of it?"
"This matter doesn't concern you, sir," the leading MP said stiffly.
"The fuck it doesn't," Ed snapped back. "I'm the one who kicked in the door and was shouting. You got a beef with the noise, you talk to me." He glanced at the man's shoulder, checking his rank, because he may not hold much stock in that bullshit, but that didn't mean he didn't know how to use it against military-minded people who were trying to pick a fight with him. "We got a problem, First Lieutenant?"
The man's jaw clenched. "No, sir." Because State Alchemists had always been beyond the purview of the MPs, given their particular ability set made it difficult for any non-alchemist to serve as more than a brief distraction when they lost their shit.
"I didn't think so." Ed turned towards Zampano, who had only moved out of the way just enough to let Ed past him. "You lot heading out?"
Zampano nodded. "That was the plan," he agreed carefully.
"Major!" the nurse said again, pushing through the two MPs, who looked a bit lost. "Bed."
"Right after I see my friends out," Ed insisted, scowling at her. When she opened her mouth to argue with him, he added, "Look. My legs are fucking fine. I don't need my arms to walk them downstairs. Unless there's some crazy shit going on with both the lifts and the stairs that you need to tell me about?"
"No," the nurse allowed, scowling herself.
"Yeah." Ed smiled at her, didn't care that it came out a little rude, then glanced back and jerked his head at the room's occupants. "Time to go."
None of them had any personal belongings with them – Ed hadn't expected them to, considering they'd all come directly from a battlefield – so they quickly filed out behind Ed, stepping stiffly past the scowling MPs and nurse, before forming up around Ed like some sort of human barrier.
"And you said you aren't officer material," Darius said, a world of amusement in his voice.
Ed let out an irritated sigh. "Shut up."
He waited until they were in the lobby before grabbing Darius and Heinkel's arms. "Hey. Soon as Al's strong enough to make the journey, we're leaving for Resembool. I'm on leave until he's strong enough to head for Xing, then I'm back in Central."
"Do you want us to come with you to Resembool?" Heinkel asked, both of them watching him with serious expressions, Jerso and Zampano standing a couple steps away with similar expressions.
Ed shook his head. "I don't care what you do with yourselves, but if you're going to stick it out once I've slogged through fucking officer training–" Darius snorted. "Yeah, shut the fuck up, Grumman's not giving me a choice. But if you're going to stick with me, you leave me a way to get in contact with you."
"We're staying at the Central Rose Hotel," Heinkel offered. "Darius and I are in 307, Jerso and Zampano are in 312. If you've got paper, I can write down the number."
Ed shook his head. "I know it."
Heinkel nodded. "Ring us when you're heading back to Resembool and we'll talk plans then."
"Central's nice and all, but I'm not so sure about kicking back around here for however long it takes your brother to build his strength back up," Darius added with an unapologetic shrug.
Ed snorted. "You follow us to Resembool, I can pretty much guarantee you'll get roped into the harvest come autumn."
"Yeah, yeah. Good exercise."
"We'll see," Heinkel said before lightly touching Ed's left shoulder. "Take care of yourself, Ed."
"You too," Ed replied, knocking his fists lightly against both of their arms. "Don't make me have to break into any labs for you arseholes."
"Lay off about the labs," Darius complained. "Are you trying to give me a complex?"
"Tempting," Ed admitted.
Heinkel sighed and herded Darius and the other two chimeras from the hospital before they could start another shouting match in the lobby. Which was probably for the best.
Ed went back upstairs to his and Al's room and spent lunch filling his brother in on what-all he'd covered with the four chimeras. Al seemed honestly pleased to hear that Darius and Heinkel would be sticking with Ed, and didn't seem to mind the idea of Jerso and Zampano going to Xing with him.
"It'll be nice having someone to travel with," he admitted. "I mean, they're not you, but they're not bad travel companions."
Ed offered a sad smile to that. "Yeah." He sighed and clicked his fork against his plate. "I wish I could say it'll be a change, but–"
"I know."
They traded helpless looks, then went back to their food.
After he was done eating, Ed headed down to Mustang and Hawkeye's room, only to find himself pinned with a disapproving stare from Hawkeye. "What?" he demanded.
"Fullmetal," Mustang called, irritation in his voice, "please refrain from having the MPs called on yourself again. If at all possible."
Ed held back a wince; he'd honestly forgotten that the MPs would have to report his misbehaviour to his CO. "Yeah, yeah," he said, going for careless and managing it, judging by the furious look Mustang was sending in his general direction. "You know, it's not my fault the nurses decided they'd rather call the MPs on Darius and them because we got a little rowdy."
" 'A little rowdy'? You kicked in a door, Fullmetal. That is not–"
"My usual behaviour?" Ed couldn't resist pointing out.
Mustang pointed a shaking finger in his direction. "Out. Right now."
Ed opened his mouth to tell Mustang where he could stick his orders, but Hawkeye intoned, "Edward," and Ed decided retreating was his best option.
So he spent the rest of that afternoon generally bored out of his mind and decided he was going to steal some of Mustang's books if he kicked him out again the next day.
Mustang didn't kick him out the next afternoon, but Hawkeye did hand over what was probably the most tedious law book ever, and Ed suspected that was his punishment for the MPs. Mustang asking, "Learn anything?" when he finished it rather reinforced that suspicion, and Ed had left with a huff to keep himself from insulting Mustang in response.
He and Al spent another four weeks in hospital, during which Ed read most, if not all, of the original piles of books – which had taken to spawning new piles as his pile next to the wall grew – including a handful of law books and books that covered construction and survival in the desert. He relayed everything he learnt about survival in the desert to Al, since he would have to cross the Great Desert to reach Xing, which Al seemed grateful for, even if he did make a couple comments on Ed's mother-henning habit.
When Al's doctor told them he should be okay to travel back to Resembool, Ed grinned and said, "Guess that means I've got some phone calls to make."
Al nodded. "See what time the next train to East City is, first," he ordered, and Ed hurried from their room.
There was a train leaving for East City that evening, and, after taking a moment to figure how long it would take them to make it to the station, Ed decided that would work, especially if he could get someone to drive them down there. So his next call was to the Central Rose Hotel. When Heinkel picked up the line on the other side, Ed asked, "How hard would it be for you to get a car from Command's carpool?"
Heinkel hummed. "Not too hard. You looking for a ride to the station?"
"Yeah. Doc says Al's good to travel, and there's a train out tonight. Plenty of time to walk it, but I don't want to push him."
"I understand. When do you want us picking you up?"
Ed couldn't help a smile, honestly relieved at the easy agreement. "Three hours. What did you lot decide?"
"Jerso pointed out we can find a hotel in East City as easily as here, and it'll be calmer there, so we'll all come with you that far."
"Close enough it won't take long to meet up if something happens, far enough apart that it doesn't feel like we're stepping on each other's toes," Ed figured, and Heinkel chuckled. "Sure. It's your leave."
"Good. We'll meet you at the hospital entrance in three hours."
"Thanks, Mr Lion," Ed offered, and Heinkel sighed before hanging up. He gave himself a moment to grin, then rang the Rockbells.
"Rockbell Automail," Winry answered.
"Hey, Winry," Ed offered.
"Ed! Granny said you'd rang. Are you coming home?"
"Yeah. We're catching a train out tonight. Depending on the connections at East City, we should be back within a couple days. So, you know, pie. You promised."
He could almost hear Winry rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. It'll be ready." She let out a quiet breath, then asked, "Ed? You're both okay? Granny said you were in hospital."
"I got a little beat up," Ed admitted, because that was true, and far easier than admitting that Al had been too weak to make the journey until recently. "You know how I am."
"Yeah," Winry agreed, irritation pushing out the concern in her voice. "I know how you are."
Ed grinned. "I'll call in East City, let you know for sure when we're due in," he offered.
Winry snorted. "I promise not to be surprised when you forget."
"Yeah, yeah. See you in a couple days."
"Bye, Ed!"
Ed hung up the handset and gave himself a moment to smile at it, envisioning Winry's expression when she saw Al back in his real body and Ed's flesh arm.
Eventually, he shook himself and walked back to his and Al's room, poking his head in the door. "Hey," he called and Al looked up at him with a smile. "We've got a ride to the station in three hours. Heinkel and them're going with us as far as East City, then getting a hotel there."
Al nodded. "Good. It'll be nice to have them so close, just in case."
Ed felt his smile widen. "That's what I said," he agreed and Al laughed. "Told Winry when we should be back. I'm going to go let the brigadier general and captain know we're leaving."
"Okay. Be polite!" Al called after him as Ed ducked back out of their room.
He rolled his eyes, but did make a point to push politely into Mustang and Hawkeye's room.
She was reading as he stepped in, but she stopped before he could clear the door and said, "Edward," which Ed was coming to suspect was as much a greeting as it was a way to let Mustang know who was there.
Mustang turned towards the door. "Fullmetal?" he asked, brow furrowing. "You're early."
"Yeah. Doc gave Al the okay to travel, so we're leaving in a few hours. Figured I'd come say our goodbyes before things got crazy."
"No MPs," Mustang was quick to say.
"Not that kind of crazy," Ed insisted, rolling his eyes. "As tempting as it would be to leave you a parting gift–"
"Don't," Mustang ordered.
Ed grinned. "Yeah, yeah." And then he...didn't really know what else to say. "Right, so...bye, then, I guess."
Mustang straightened. "Of course. Thank you for all your hard work–" he motioned towards the pile of books between his bed and Hawkeye's "–and please give Alphonse my best."
"Yeah, sure," Ed agreed, and there was a strange sort of sinking sensation in his stomach, like this was a far more permanent goodbye. "Don't get all depressed again and do something stupid, okay? I'm not going to come after you again just to kick your arse."
Mustang's mouth twitched. "Noted."
Ed swallowed and turned to Hawkeye. "See ya, Captain."
Hawkeye smiled at him. "Goodbye, Edward."
"Yeah." And, before it could get even more awkward, Ed made his escape.
If the trip to East City was at all indicative of how future travels with the brothers and the four chimeras would go, there were good things in store. Ed and Darius got some (mostly) good-natured heckling in, which Heinkel and Al did their best to mediate, with varying degrees of success. Zampano was a bit more taciturn than Ed would have been able to handle, but he and Al seemed to get along well, and Jerso was happy to serve as conversation any time Ed and Darius weren't having a go at each other, yet also seemed friendly enough with Zampano to not be bothered by his silence. (Darius said something about the two being comrades before everything, and some of their exchanges did seem to support that.)
While none of the chimeras really knew more than the most basic information about alchemy – the things that 'everyone' knew, about half of which was complete bollocks – none of them shied away from learning more. For Jerso and Zampano, Ed knew, the interest was almost solely based on ways to get their bodies back, but Darius and Heinkel were looking at it from a battle-oriented standpoint, which the other two also seemed to be interested in. None of the four could actually use alchemy, but their soldier training and the recent fight had left them with the idea of keeping a mix of components on their persons for debilitating combinations they could throw at enemies after Ed or Al activated them, or even alchemically-boosted grenades. Too, the idea of carbon worked into the fibre of Ed's clothing had given him ideas for other things that could be worked into clothing with a bit of alchemy, making it more flexible or tougher (for the chimeras, more than him; he didn't want to overload his own clothing). Things to experiment with while he was stuck in Resembool, waiting for Al to fully recover.
They spent the night in East City, and Ed took the chance to stock up on materials he wanted to mess around with, while Al took the chance to nap.
Ed only remembered to ring ahead because Al kept on top of him the next morning, and he caught Granny, who promised to pass the message on to Winry. The chimeras saw them off, standing in a huddle on the platform as the train pulled away, and Al said, "I'm going to miss them."
"They're not that far away," Ed pointed out, settling back into his seat. He was starting to get used to seeing his brother across from him, rather than the armour, but there was still a slight mental disconnect every time Al spoke while Ed was looking away from him.
Al sighed and slumped against the window, his crutch clicking against the wooden seat as it shifted. "I know. Could you try to be a little nicer to Darius?"
Ed huffed; he and Darius had a well-developed, slightly antagonistic friendship, which worked out just fine for them – better than fine, sometimes – but of course his brother wouldn't see it that way. "He gives as good as I do," he said by way of excuse, mostly because there were some things that he just didn't want to get into with Al, not on a train. (Not ever, if he was being honest.)
"Brother."
He rolled his eyes and offered, "I'll think about it."
Al slumped a little further, his eyes sliding closed. "At least officer training should cure you of that."
"Shut up," Ed ordered, even as he pulled off his jacket and got up to settle Al more comfortably on his bench, Ed's jacket serving as a pillow. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you before we arrive," he said as he settled back in his own bench, holding Al's crutch so he or the train couldn't upset it and wake him up.
"Kay," Al agreed sleepily, and Ed settled in to pass the second half of their journey in silence.
Winry's expression, when they made it to the Rockbell house, was everything Ed could have hoped for, outshone only by Al's expression of near-orgasmic glee following his first bite of apple pie.
When Winry and Al started going over Al's list of food he wanted to try, Ed left them to it to hunt down Granny, who'd come to greet them at the door, then vanished back into the house. He found her in the workshop, making adjustments to a leg, and sat down on the stool on the other side of the work table from her.
Granny cast him a brief look. "No Hohenheim?" she asked.
Ed grimaced as his stomach churned with the guilt that had only ever been eased by Al's apparent forgiveness, never completely banished. "No," he agreed quietly. "Gave him your message, though. From Mum."
She nodded. "What happened?" Because she knew him way too fucking well.
Ed brought his right leg up and hooked his heel on the edge of the stool, curling around it. "He asked me to use him to bring back Al."
Granny didn't say anything for a long moment, just finished tightening a bolt, then turned coolly assessing eyes on him as she set her work down. "You wish you hadn't," she guessed.
Ed shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, it was his choice, right? So– But..." He sighed and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek hard against the side of his knee. "Do you think...Mum would forgive me?"
"Yes," Granny said without pause, and it felt like a weight had lifted from Ed's shoulders. "But I don't think she'll forgive Hohenheim any time soon."
Ed frowned at that and looked over at her. "What do you mean?"
"He shouldn't have asked you to make that choice," Granny insisted, and her eyes were hard as she caught Ed's gaze. "That was cruel of him."
Ed stared at her, feeling his body stiffen. He hadn't actually considered it that way, that Hohenheim shared some of the blame for his death. That it wasn't just Ed's sin, even if he was the one who would have to live with it. And that his mum would take his side?
"I think," he heard himself say, voice thick, "I needed to hear that."
"Good. Do I need to talk to your brother?"
Ed swallowed, honestly touched by this show that he had someone unquestionably in his corner. "No. He– We sorted it out."
Granny nodded, but they were interrupted by Winry shouting, "Edward! What's Al mean, I need to look at your leg?!"
Granny peered over her work table at where Ed's left leg hung down over the edge of his stool, serving as a counterweight for his unbalanced position. She sighed and said, "Let me find the temporary," before jumping down off her own stool.
Ed bit back a groan. "I'm upstairs, Winry!" he called down to his mechanic, resigning himself to a future of getting brained by spanners and a fair few lectures about how he was always mistreating her work.
Living with the Rockbells was as much a trial as it was a comfort. It hadn't been hard to fall back into their old childhood patterns, given that they'd never really left them, and there was plenty to laugh about as they filled each other in on the happier times that had occurred while they were in hiding.
But, still, there were long silences and stories cut short as they realised they were getting too close to something dark, something they daren't share. There was telling Al about his near-death experience in that mineshaft, and Al telling him about losing contact with his armour body, stories they hadn't been strong enough to whisper into the too-white of a hospital room. There were nights waking from nightmares, calling out across the too-dark room until their brother woke up and responded, assured them that it was okay, that they'd made it.
There was Winry's anger when she found out about Hohenheim, brought to a swift end by Granny's no-nonsense scolding, and making him a tombstone next to Mum's, even though there was no body. There was learning to face his own guilt, because once Al and Winry realised how much Ed blamed himself for Hohenheim's sacrifice, they did their damnedest to convince him that he bore none of the blame for Hohenheim's choices, and Ed loved them both for that, even as he wanted to throttle them.
It was one such occasion, when Ed had enough of being prodded and had collected a shopping list from Granny and hurried into town with only Den as company, when he saw Mustang again.
He'd been in the process of buying himself a sweet treat when he heard a voice call, "Fullmetal?"
Ed turned, honestly surprised to hear his second name out here, but then he found Mustang standing a few feet away, blinking at Ed in what was clearly surprise, a white desert-issue coat covering most of his uniform and hiding his rank and the bars designating his honours. "Hey, Mustang," he called back, before turning back to finish trading coins for his doughnuts. Marie passed him an extra with a wink, so Ed wasn't surprised to find that the brigadier general had waited for him. "What are you doing–" he started as he stepped forward, before it occurred to him that Mustang was actually watching him. He stopped and waved a hand between them.
Mustang raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, I can see you," he offered.
Ed blinked at that as he held out the extra doughnut, which Mustang took with a surprised look in a hand wearing a plain white glove. "Right." Recalling what Heinkel had admitted about his healed wounds when Ed had pressed him on the train, he guessed, "Dr Marcoh's Stone?"
Mustang grimaced faintly. "I know you disapprove."
Ed shrugged. "You never made any promises about what you would or wouldn't sacrifice in trade for your eyes," he pointed out.
"Still."
"And I really can't talk," Ed added with a grimace of his own. "I may not have used a Stone, but I did use someone else's life."
Mustang considered him for a moment, and Ed had to look away, taking a bite of one of his doughnuts. At last, Mustang let out a considering hum and took a bite of his own doughnut. "These are good," he said with some surprise, once he'd swallowed.
"Lack of sand?" Ed suggested, and Mustang rolled his eyes. "Hey, yeah, so, what are you doing up here? I thought your company went down to Ishval two months ago." It had been all that anyone in town could talk about for weeks, and Ed hadn't actually seen any of the military group, but the descriptions he'd heard after the fact led him to believe Mustang had been part of them.
Mustang motioned with his head for Ed to join him in walking towards the train station. "We did," he agreed as Ed fell into step with him, Den at his side, "but we're having trouble setting up a reliable phone connection, so I come into town to make calls once a week."
"Huh. That's not like you."
Mustang frowned. "What isn't?"
Ed shrugged. "Making the calls yourself. I'd have expected you to send Hawkeye or Breda or someone up here to do it for you. Unless–" Ed shot the man a considering glance "–did Dr Marcoh fix your sense of responsibility, too?"
Mustang let out a sigh that Ed was pretty sure was more amused than irritated. "No. There's simply one call I can't delegate to anyone else."
A call Mustang couldn't get someone else to make for him? "What the fuck? Who's so important you can't hand them off to Hawkeye? Grumman?"
"No," Mustang said, and Ed caught him giving him a considering look. Ed scowled at him and Mustang's mouth quirked. "I call Elicia every week," he admitted just before Ed gave in to the urge to hit him, and damn the consequences.
"Elicia Hughes?" Ed asked. Really? He'd known Mustang and Hughes had been friends, sure, but Mustang had kept up with Gracia and Elicia?
Fuck. The bastard was a better person than Ed; he hadn't spoken to either of them since he and Al had apologised to Gracia for their part in her husband's death.
"Yes. Did you want to speak to her?" he offered.
Ed felt a little like the world had just tilted out of balance and he had to stop moving while it resettled, giving Mustang a confused look. "Do I... What?" Talk to Elicia? It had been almost a year since the last time he'd seen her, and he'd– Since then, he'd–
"No," he decided, taking a step back and looking down when he bumped into Den. "I need to do some shopping. Before Al sends Winry after me because, fuck, I don't know, they think I'm going to get lost or some shit. Fuck if I know, they're both completely insane. I mean, what do they even–" He realised he was rambling and snapped his mouth shut, then turned and hurried away.
And, fuck it all, he wasn't even sure if he cared he was running away.
Of course, it had taken Al all of ten minutes to figure out something had happened in town. He'd been nice enough to wait until they were in their room, getting ready for bed, before he'd pressed Ed for the specifics, thankfully, but he hadn't held back in dragging the meeting out of him. He'd seemed in turns surprised and resigned to hear about Mustang's returned sight, sharing Ed's opinion that the bastard had never made any promises about whether or not he'd use a Philosopher's Stone, and that he had was his own business.
He hadn't had much comment on Ed's avoidance of the Hugheses, and Ed had believed he'd dropped it until, one week later, he found himself being sent out to town again with a list of three things that Winry absolutely needed for what Al had requested for dinner, and it didn't occur to him that the two had conspired against him until he saw Mustang on the phone at the station.
Mustang saw him before Ed could make his escape and shot him a knowing look, even as he curled his finger in a 'come hither' motion.
Ed gave himself a moment to consider telling Mustang he was on fucking leave and that meant he wasn't going to be led around on a fucking leash, before admitting to himself that he didn't want to know what Al and Winry would devise next week in an attempt to get him on the phone with the Hugheses – which wasn't fair, because Al was technically avoiding them, too – and letting out a sigh as he started towards Mustang.
As soon as he reached the man, Mustang held out the handset. "It's Gracia," he offered.
Ed took it with a wince and held it up to his ear. "Hi, Mrs Gracia," he said, hated how weak his voice came out.
"Ed!" she replied, and she sounded so honestly happy, it made his breath catch in his throat. "It's wonderful to hear from you. I'm sorry Elicia and I never visited you while you were in hospital, but every time we came asking, we were told either Al was sleeping or you had vanished. Roy says that was his fault, though."
"I–yeah." Ed glanced towards Mustang, who had settled on one of the few benches in the station and was looking through some papers. "Yeah, he had Captain Hawkeye reading to him, but it was sort of messing with her throat, you know? So I said I'd come in the afternoons." He slumped slightly. "I didn't– I had no idea you had tried to visit us. No one ever told us. Me."
"Really? We did get to visit with Al a couple days before you left."
That little traitor. Ed was going to punch his brother as soon as he got home, still recovering or not. "Guess he forgot to mention that."
Gracia laughed and kindly offered, "If you're running away from a phone call, I can guess why."
Fuck it. He was going to punch Mustang, too. "I– That was–"
"It's okay," Gracia promised. "Can I tell you a secret?"
Ed frowned. "What?"
"It took Roy almost a month to come see us, after the funeral, and the first thing he did was apologise for getting Maes killed."
Ed turned wide eyes on the distracted brigadier general. "I– But, but it wasn't his fault! That was– It was our lead." Fuck. He'd known Mustang had spent months hunting for Envy, but he hadn't realised he fucking blamed himself, too.
"Roy said he asked Maes to keep an eye on you two while you were in Central," Gracia offered. "And maybe he did, but it was Maes' choice to keep tabs on you two. Just like it was his choice to keep pursuing your lead after you left. The only person to blame for Maes' death is the person who shot him."
Envy, Ed didn't say. Instead, he whispered, "Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean we don't feel responsible." Just like with Hohenheim. Just like Mustang felt responsible for fixing Ishval and Ed felt responsible for repairing all the shit the Dwarf in the Flask had done to Amestris.
And it occurred to him, then, that calling Elicia once a week was probably Mustang's penance for his assumed part in Hughes' death, whereas Ed had just been letting his own guilt build up and fester. "Hey, Mrs Gracia?" he asked.
"Yes?"
"I'm going to be back in Central end of December, I think, or the beginning of January. Is it– Can I come visit?"
"Elicia and I would be delighted to have you over," Gracia promised, and she sounded like she meant it. "Did you want my number? You can ring us any time you want."
There was something caught in Ed's throat and he had to hold the receiver away from his mouth so he could cough to clear it. "I'm not–good. At calling people." At keeping in contact at all, really, and he needed to work on that, if only because he'd promised Al.
"I understand," Gracia replied. "But, if you happen to catch Roy on the phone with us again, I'm sure he'd be happy to hand it over for a moment."
"Yeah. I'll remember that," Ed promised, though he wasn't sure he'd make a habit of running down to town once a week just to catch the bastard and hijack his phone call.
"Good. Would you like to speak to Elicia?"
From a distance, Ed heard a cheery voice shout, "Yeah! I wanna talk to Big Brother Ed! Mama! Mama, I wanna speak to him!"
Ed swallowed, helpless against the smile that twisted his mouth. "Yeah," he agreed.
"Big Brother Ed!" Elicia called gleefully into the phone once she had it, and then proceeded to tell him all about...everything. Ed really wasn't even sure what all she covered, by the end, but he spent at least half of their forty minute conversation laughing, and somehow promised he'd drag Al with him when he got back to Central and they'd build snowmen and, no, don't worry, Ed could totally make snow for them, even if the weather wasn't behaving.
After he'd hung up, he blinked at Mustang, who was watching him with a knowing expression, and admitted, "I feel like I just got through a particularly giggly blizzard."
Mustang snorted, dark eyes gleaming, as he got to his feet. "Elicia has that effect," he agreed. "Half the reason I call every week is to keep my calls shorter than an hour." He nodded towards the handful of coins Ed had taken to feeding the payphone as the metre got low, which he'd had to scramble for when the first warning came, then just set what he'd found on top of the housing for ease of access.
Ed huffed and collected his much depleted change to return to his pocket. "Yeah, yeah. What's the other half of the reason? Not enough ladies to talk to down in Ishval?"
Mustang's mouth thinned. "No. Elicia panicked when I told her I had to leave for an extended period for work. She was afraid I wouldn't come home."
Ed felt a little like someone had just punched him in the gut. "Oh," he heard himself say as Mustang picked up the handset and started dialling what Ed recognised as Central Command's outside line.
"Yes," Mustang agreed coolly, "oh."
Ed crept away, feeling like a heel, and scuffed his way down what counted for a main street in Resembool. It hadn't even occurred to him, that Elicia might equate someone she cared about leaving for work with Hughes' death. Fuck, he wasn't even sure how much she understood about her father never coming home. And what had Ed and Al's long absence done to her? How much had his own fucking avoidance hurt Elicia? How much like his father was he?
"Pull yourself together, Edward," he hissed at himself, fists tightening enough to hurt. "You fucked up, so fix it."
If Mustang could come up from Ishval once a week to call them, Ed could walk into town for the same. And, he realised, catching sight of the bakery where he'd bought the doughnuts last week, he could provide food as thanks for his CO letting him steal the phone from him.
"Hey, Marie?" he called, stepping up to the bakery counter.
"What can I do for you, Ed?"
Ed dropped enough change onto the counter for two doughnuts. "You know the military man who comes by to use the phone every week?"
"Your friend?" Marie suggested.
Ed snorted. Him and Mustang? Friends? "Commanding officer," he corrected. "When he walks back this way, give him a couple doughnuts?"
"It's common in the military to give your commander doughnuts?" Marie teased as she swept his change into the till.
"Shut up. Just...give him the doughnuts."
"I will," Marie promised, smiling, and Ed hurried off to find the food Winry had wanted before she could make any more pointed comments about his complicated relationship with the brigadier general.
He finished his shopping and escaped back up the path to the Rockbells' without running into Mustang again, which was a relief, because he really didn't want to know if the man was angry with him for his comment.
When he got back into the house, he found Winry and Al in the kitchen. "You're coming back with me to Central," he told Al as he sat the requested food on the worktop.
"I am?" Al asked, amusement in his voice.
"Wait, what?" Winry spun on her chair to turn a confused look on Ed. "Why are you going back to Central?"
"When Al's better," Ed soothed, before telling his brother, "Somehow, I promised Elicia we'd build snowmen together."
Al laughed. "I think I can manage that."
"Edward," Winry hissed, and Ed couldn't keep from ducking when she picked up the spanner that had been resting oh-so-innocently on the table next to her. "Why are you talking about going back to Central?"
Ed swallowed and traded a vaguely panicked look with Al, because they hadn't, actually, approached this topic with Winry. "Erm, because Grumman's making me take officer training?"
Winry's fingers clenched around the spanner. "You're staying in the military," she said flatly.
Ed gave a careful nod, hunching down behind the worktop in hopes of making a smaller target for her to aim at.
Winry turned on Al. "And you?"
"I, uh, I'm going to, er, to Xing. After," Al offered, looking about as terrified as Ed felt, hunched down in his chair and holding up his mug as though it would protect him. "If– If that's okay?"
Ed couldn't see Winry's expression from his position, but by the way Al's eyes went wide, he could make a pretty good guess what it was. "Win–" he tried.
She spun to glare at him, her eyes filled with tears. "You just got back!" she shouted, and Ed very firmly clamped down on the urge to point out that they'd been in Resembool for almost three months. "Why do you have to leave again?" She pointed her spanner at Ed and he flinched back. "Why the military, Ed?!"
Ed didn't have a good answer for that. At least, not one that she would accept, or wouldn't end with her crying. (Which, well, there was already enough of a chance of that, best not to push it.) "Why not the military?" he replied.
"They've imprisoned you–"
"That's got nothing–"
"–they held me hostage–"
"That wasn't–"
"–you've nearly died a thousand times on those stupid missions–"
"You're exagger–"
"–and all they're ever interested in is war!" she finished, looking every inch like someone who knew she was in the right.
"That's not fair," Ed snapped, straightening, and something in his voice or his face made her flinch back, clutching her spanner to her chest. "Stop painting the military with the same brush as the fucking Dwarf in the Flask. I told you, didn't I? Mustang's down in Ishval, helping them rebuild. That's not war, Winry."
"Fine! So there's one good man in the military!" Winry shouted at him.
Ed clenched his jaw. "Then I'll make two."
She flinched again and a tear trailed down her cheek.
"Winry," Al offered, his voice so fucking gentle, and she glanced at him as another tear made its way down her face. "We're not ready to settle down, either of us. I want to see the world, and Brother, well..." He shrugged a bit helplessly. "We were never going to stay in Resembool."
"Fuck, you're not going to stay in Resembool," Ed interrupted, and Al shot him a glare, which he studiously ignored. "Or can you honestly say you've got no interest in going back to Rush Valley and setting up a proper shop there?"
"But that's Rush Valley," she insisted, putting down her spanner and rubbing at her eyes. "It's not–not running into danger." She turned on Ed. "You're going to break my leg again!"
"My leg," Ed snapped.
"Brother," Al stressed, and Ed grudgingly shut up. "Winry," he said quieter, and she looked back at him. "We'll be okay. We're, neither of us, going alone. And we'll keep in contact." Winry must have made some sort of face, because Al turned hard eyes on Ed. "Won't we, Brother?"
Ed remembered his panic attacks, born from not knowing if Al was alive or dead, and what Mustang had said about Elicia needing to hear from him, to know he was okay, and absolutely meant it when he said, "Yeah. I'll ring, at least once a month. Promise."
Winry turned to him, her eyes still bright with unshed tears, and insisted, "Every other week."
Ed grimaced, feeling a bit like a noose had lowered around his neck as he agreed, "Fine. Every other week."
She looked rather like she wasn't sure she trusted him.
Al sighed and pointed out, "It's not like we're leaving now. Another few months at least, right?"
Ed nodded. "Figure I'll aim for the January training session," he offered. "We can leave for Dublith in November or December, whenever you feel up to it. Make a pit stop in Rush Valley on our way up to Central, see Paninya and them. Winry, if you're back there by then."
Al's mouth twitched. "And then building snowmen with Elicia."
Ed grinned. "Yup. Told her we'd make it snow, if we had to."
"Are you allowed to do that?" Winry asked, sounding less like she was dreading the end of the year.
"Eh."
"Not...really," Al admitted.
"Localised snow. A city block. It'll be fine."
Winry sighed. "You are going to get into so much trouble."
"How is that new?"
Ed wasn't sure if the sound Winry let out was one of irritation or a laugh, but he blamed his confusion for not being able to duck the spanner that hit him, so...
At least that uncomfortable conversation was over with?
Come What May Chapters:
01 ||
11 || 12 || 13 || 14|| 15 || 16 || 17 || 18 || 19|| 20
Extras:
Ch 04 (Roy) || Ch 07 (Roy) || Ch 10 (Roy)
Ch 10 (Darius - NSFW) || Ch 16 (Ed - NSFW) || Ch 17 (Roy)
We All Need Saving Chapters:
Unposted
Dancing With the Devil Chapters:
Unposted
.