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batsutousaiTitle: One Day I'll Fly Away
Series: Tales of the Fairy Men
Fandom: Marvel (movie 'verse) & Real Person Fiction
Author: Batsutousai
Rating: M/R
Pairings: Tom Hiddleston/Loki, Thor/Jane Foster
Warnings: Intersexual Loki, throwing gender norms out the window, abuse, angst, hurt/comfort, character death (Frigga), OoC Odin,
Challenge: 2013 Fairy Tale Writing Prompt Challenge
Summary: After you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. And, as Loki discovers, there's someone out there for everyone, no matter your physical "deformities".
Disclaim Her: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Marvel. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The character of Thomas "Tom" Hiddleston is based on a real person, and no offence is intended; this is only for the amusement of myself and other like-minded (read: mentally ill) fans.
A/N: This is part of a series of fics based on a challenge to write your OTP using various fairy tales. And colours. Twelve fics, one per month, for the entirety of 2013.
October's prompt is Hansel & Gretel with the colour grey. I had nothing, though, so I picked out the last of my freebies, Cinderella
This is based more on the French version of the tale, as it is the less religious of the well-known western varieties. ^.^" (Sadly, that means it's lacking the 'eyeballs poked out by doves' and 'self-mutilation so the shoe would fit' that everyone likes to bring up as proof that fairy tales aren't really for kids. XD )
Of note, I've removed the shoe from the equation. Because it's a plot device that's never made sense to me. (Seriously, you're going to find your future wife based on her shoe size? And using a shoe that could break if you drop it? I just...) Also twisted some other things. Should be fun.
Uhm, Odin ends up being a bit OoC in a super violent way, but he's human and has...issues. (Sooooooo many issues.)
Super thanks to DarkFlowerDreaming for her help in deciding who was taking which part. (Because Bats was incapable of deciding. XD)
Someone please explain how this fic ended up so bloody long, please? Merlin...
Cinderella -- Grey
-0-
That Loki was different had never been up for debate. Indeed, as Thor loved to tell him time and again, it was most likely the reason he'd been left behind on Odin's front steps as a babe. If Frigga hadn't been so kind and full of love, Loki was sure he would have just been thrown to another doorstep. And another. And another.
Until, eventually, someone took pity and just offed him.
Loki had been as much a part of the family as he could ever be, dark-haired and pale-skinned as he was, for as long as Frigga was there to include him. But, after her funeral, all the things he'd taken for granted began to vanish.
First it was the nice clothing, Odin insisting he didn't have the money to keep buying three sets of the newest fashions. Thor and Baldr got the newest things, while Loki was left to sort through their cast-offs, picking out Thor's too-large shirts to hide his budding breasts and Baldr's almost-right trousers with whatever belt was the least worn.
By the second year following Frigga's death, Loki was helping the servants with the simple chores. In another attempt to 'save money', Odin had let a couple of servants go and told Loki he would be required to carry his own weight by helping the lessened staff.
Tellingly, Loki wasn't the least bit surprised to discover he was the only member of the family required to do so.
In the fourth year, a visiting friend of Odin's saw Loki and his second-hand belongings delegated to the servant quarters to 'turn his bedroom into a guest room'. Loki made no complaint, far more comfortable with the cook, three serving maids, and doorman that remained in the manor than he was with his adopted family. And the five servants, bless them, went to great pains to make him at home.
By the seventh year, Loki was the only person left to act as a servant, save for the coachman, whom Loki had never had much to do with over the years, and so found no comfort in. It wasn't that they didn't need the extra hands – because Loki often fell into bed, exhausted and overworked – but Odin always found an excuse for cutting back. Loki suspected his adopted father was just trying to crush his spirit, and so swore to himself he would take any task thrown at him and master it, no matter the cost to himself.
Also around then, Thor and Baldr figured out why Loki was a freak. (In their defence, Loki had never shared a room with either of them, and his continued use of Thor's baggy second hand shirts hid any suggestion that he wasn't completely male.) They took the revelation about how Loki would have expected, and he endured all manner of names, as well as days on end where the two used feminine pronouns for him.
Loki contented himself with the lack of physical abuse and bore the vitriol without a word of defence. Eventually, after a handful of months, the abuse died down to only when the two blonds were bored, leaving Loki with blessed silence for most of his time.
It was the start of the eighth year since Frigga's death that the announcement went out: King James and Queen Diana were holding a ball for their eldest daughter, who had turned down every noble suitor she was faced with. Saddled with one daughter getting a little too close to the high end of prime marrying age, and another entering that time frame, they had decided to hold a ball to find husbands for both daughters. So long as a man was unmarried, of a marriageable age, and moneyed enough to have or be able to purchase fancy wear, they were invited.
"We are going, right, Father?" Thor demanded over dinner.
Odin snorted. "Of course we are. And one of you two will be returning with a bride."
Thor flexed his muscles. "Who could possibly resist me?"
Baldr sighed. "Not every girl out there likes a man who can lift twice his own body weight with one hand, Brother."
Thor chuckled. "You only say that to make yourself feel better about your paltry chances, Brother. Though–" his gaze slid to Loki "–at least your chances are better than Loki's."
"Yeah," Baldr agreed, tone turning nasty. "At least I'm a real man."
Loki swallowed and raised his chin, meeting Odin's single eye. "Fath–"
"I'm not your father, boy," Odin rumbled in warning.
Loki clenched his hands at his sides and refused to look away. "Master Odin, I had hoped to attend the ball as well. I can wear some of Thor's old clothing," he hurried to add, before that could be used against him.
"Are you intending to find a suitor amongst the other guests, minger?"
"Like anyone would ever look at her twice."
"They wouldn't even look at her onc–"
"I just want to go to people watch," Loki insisted, still trying his best to hold Odin's unblinking stare. "I won't dance with anyone."
"No," Odin announced, and Thor and Baldr broke out in cackles.
"But, Master Odin, sir. Surely my years of exemplary–"
"I said no, boy."
Loki blinked against the burning of his eyes. "Will you at least tell me why?"
"This household will be represented by true members of this family in public, not half-creatures who couldn't decide whether they were a boy or a girl in the womb," Odin replied, completely without malice. It was simply a fact, to him, that Loki was half-human and so deserved no more kindness than a roof over his head and what little food Thor and Baldr didn't devour at meals.
Loki turned away to hide how much that statement cut. "I see," he whispered, his quick retreat chased by jeers from the other two young men.
Oh, yes, it would have been so much kinder of Frigga to have simply killed him or left him out to the elements.
In the days following that fateful dinner, Loki went through his duties like a man finally defeated. He almost didn't hear Thor and Baldr's hurtful words, thrown his way between visits from the tailor and over meals. He didn't feel Odin's stare at all, barely even glanced towards his adopted father.
Once they left for the ball, Loki was left standing in the entranceway, staring unseeingly at the door. He didn't realise he was crying until the door began to open again. Panic overtook him at the thought of showing weakness to Thor and Baldr, and he turned to run.
"Young Master?" a deep voice rumbled.
Loki froze, uncertain, for one long moment, whether that long-forgotten title was meant for him.
"Young Master Loki," the voice murmured.
Loki turned, face tear-stained, to see what person would think to refer to him in such a way. He found, standing in the opened doorway, the coachman, dark skin thrown in sharp relief by the extravagant number of candles lit in the entranceway. "What–" Loki started, his voice cracking, then dying.
The coachman – Heimdall, Loki recalled all of a sudden – took three great steps forward and engulfed Loki in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Young Master," he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."
And Loki, bereft of such kind human contact and a moment's suggestion that someone cared even a smidge for him, collapsed against Heimdall, clinging onto the lapels of his jacket as he sobbed away years of neglect and abuse.
All the while, Heimdall made no hint of moving away, only held Loki and whispered apologies into his too-long hair.
Only once Loki had run out of tears, did Heimdall move. And then, it was to lead Loki into the kitchen, where he forced the young man to sit while he made tea.
"Why are you–" Loki shook his head and waved his hand to encompass everything that had just occurred. Was still occurring.
Heimdall handed him a cup with the tea he always saved for his adopted family and guests. "Forgive me, Young Master. There is a truth I must confess, but I do not think you will like it."
Loki swallowed and ducked his head to stare into his tea. "That's never stopped anyone else in this house," he said bitterly.
Heimdall sighed. "A sin for which your mother will make them pay so very dearly, upon their deaths."
Loki looked up, attention caught at the mention of Frigga. "You think Mother would be displeased with them?" he asked. It came out as a plea, and he was too drained to care for his weakness. (Not like Heimdall hadn't already seen him fall to pieces.)
Heimdall placed one heavy hand on Loki's shoulder and swore, "I know it."
Loki looked away, heart inexplicably lightened by the promise of Frigga's eternal love.
Heimdall sighed again, hand falling away from Loki's shoulder. "You deserve to know, Young Master, that it was I who brought you here."
Loki jerked back and stared at the coachman in disbelief. "You? But how could you–?"
"I found you beside the road one morning," Heimdall explained patiently. "I lacked the means to take care of a child, so I brought you to the one woman I knew would always be happy to add to her family. And, while she was surprised to learn you were both boy and girl, she never once thought to turn you out. When Young Master Thor's nursemaid refused to care for you, claiming you were some sort of demon child, Mistress saw to your care herself."
Loki swallowed, staring at Heimdall as though the man held the greatest secrets of the universe. Because Frigga's unflinching love for the child she'd taken in against all odds, was what Loki had clung to in his lowest moments. Now, not so long after he'd been broken beyond all repair, to be given this unasked for gift...
"Thank you," he whispered.
Heimdall offered him a sad smile. "I regret that Master and Young Masters Thor and Baldr are incapable of holding to Mistress' kindness." He looked away, shoulders slumping. "I regret, also, that I was not here to support you this past week, when it seems you had needed me. Whatever words Master Odin said to you–" he met Loki's gaze again, unflinching and certain "–know they are untrue."
"He called me a half-creature," Loki admitted, partially to see how Heimdall would react, partially because he needed someone to tell him Odin had been lying.
Heimdall's expression tightened so much, Loki thought it was certainly painful. "Horse dung," he growled. "I've seen you as a babe, crying for your mother, and you were nothing but human then, as you are now."
"I am wrong, though," Loki insisted, because he could. "Neither boy nor girl."
"Neither and both," Heimdall returned. "Mistress always said it was a gift, that it was for you to decide who you wanted to be. That's not the sort of gift you spit on. It's something precious and without value, a sort of freedom."
Loki glanced towards the tiny kitchen window. "What use is freedom to choose when my jailer is ever alert for attempts to escape and the walls of my cell so thick?" he wondered.
Heimdall touched his cheek, gentle and warm, and Loki turned to meet those golden eyes. "No man can live forever, not even one as stubborn as Master Odin."
Loki smiled, accepting it as the reassurance it had been intended, even as he wondered if he could survive that long. "Tell me about Mother," he requested. Because he missed her, and he had no one to share stories with about her since Thor and Baldr discovered what he was.
Heimdall offered a small smile and paused to sip his tea before asking, "Did you hear of the time she chased down a spooked horse while I fixed the broken wheel?"
Loki shook his head and leaned forward, drawing his knees up to curl around and rest his tea on.
Heimdall's smile widened slightly and he started the tale, clearly a fond memory, from the way he spoke of the events.
Other stories followed, until it was just before one. "I must collect the masters," he said with true regret as he rose, back cracking.
Loki looked at the clock, horror laying heavy in his gut. "I must turn down and warm their beds!" He jumped to his feet. But, before he could run from the room, Heimdall caught him in a hug, which Loki melted into with a quiet noise that was half pleasure, half discontent.
"Remember, Young Master, that what others may call unnatural, is a gift. Your gift," Heimdall rumbled.
Loki closed his eyes and tried to wrap those words around him like a shield against the vitriol he was sure to be faced with upon Thor and Baldr's return. "Thank you," he whispered against Heimdall's lapels before pulling away. Because they both had things they needed to be doing.
Heimdall nodded and left Loki to rush through his chores. And if it took more time for Heimdall to return with the rest of the household than it had taken for him to return from dropping them off, well. Loki certainly wasn't about to complain.
Baldr wasted no time in mocking Loki for having to remain behind: "Both princesses are beautiful. It's almost a pity neither of them would look twice at you. Never mind the implications of marrying a woman."
Loki bit his tongue and refused to react as he took Thor's outer garments.
"There were too many men for everyone to dance with the princesses," Thor announced before Baldr could further insult Loki. The elder brother was refusing to look at Loki as he spoke, but it was obvious he wasn't speaking to Odin or Baldr. "They're extending the ball until everyone has been given the chance."
"Indeed," Odin rumbled before narrowing his eye at Loki. "Don't think you will be given leave to attend at any future point."
Loki bowed his head and turned with the pile of outer wear to put it away. He didn't much mind staying in the manor, not knowing that Heimdall would sit with him. In truth, he was glad for the extension of the ball, for the free night was a blessing, in the end.
"Father, might I go into town tomorrow to find new clothing?" Thor requested.
"Why not just call the tailor in?" Baldr complained, waving a hand.
"The tailor will be busy with every other man and woman looking for new clothing. I'll be better served standing over him as he works," Thor replied drily.
"Oh."
"Yes, very well," Odin agreed, turning to walk away.
"I would like to take Loki with me."
Loki froze, only years of training keeping him from dropping the cloak he'd been in the process of putting up.
"For what possible reason–" Odin started, his voice lowering dangerously.
"To carry my things, should I wish to wander the town," Thor was quick to insist. "Also, the lady I danced with made mention to me of a particular tea she has a fondness for, which I should like to find. Loki would know the best shop for such."
Loki glanced over his shoulder to take in the tense postures behind him. Thor looked determined, but the fidgeting of his fingers spoke to his uncertainty. Odin was staring at his eldest, eye narrowed, but stance not quite as threatening as if Loki had suggested he would be the most useful for purchasing tea in town. Baldr was looking between the two, as though uncertain who was more likely to explode.
At last, Odin turned his gaze on Loki, who ducked his head meekly. "Very well. As you will with him," he agreed before leaving.
Thor let out a long breath. "Baldr, I would invite you along, but–"
Baldr snorted. "I would rather go to the most boring tea than spending a day mucking about town with Loki."
"Did you wish for me to return with anything for you?" Thor asked.
Baldr hummed in thought while Loki finished hanging things up. Finally, as Loki was retreating to the kitchen to brew the evening tea he knew Odin would be calling for directly, Baldr agreed, "A hat, if you would. One to match my blue jacket. And perhaps some new gloves."
"Certainly," Thor agreed, moving off without a glance towards Loki.
Thor gave him just enough time to complete his morning duties before dragging Loki out of the manor. They forewent the carriage, since Baldr would want to take it to his tea, leaving them to walk the fifteen minutes in what Loki at first assumed would be an uncomfortable silence, since Thor didn't seem in the mood to insult him.
Five minutes in, Thor said, "We weren't to know, as we are noted for having only sons, but ladies, too, were invited. For Prince Thomas."
Loki glanced at him. "I surmised as much last night," he returned drily, as Thor had mentioned dancing with a lady other than one of the princesses.
Thor grimaced. "Yes, you always have been disgustingly perceptive," he agreed, tone teasing.
For a moment, Loki was taken back eight years, before he'd become a servant in his own home. Back when Thor was still his big brother who played just a little too rough, but loved both him and Baldr without question. Back when compliments for Loki's innate cleverness were poorly disguised as insults, because Thor could never be so obvious about his pride in Loki's own achievements.
Loki stopped walking. "What game is this, Thor?" he demanded.
Thor paused, head hanging. He didn't look back at Loki for nearly a minute and, when he did, there were tears and so much regret in his eyes. "My dance partner, Lady Jane, did not take kindly to my cruel words of you at the ball. You share an acquaintance who speaks very highly of you; a Miss Darcy?"
Loki gave a cautious nod. "She is the proprietor of the better of the two tea shops." He liked Darcy, in truth, and had faced many an unkind word from Odin for coming back late after spending too much time talking to her. He'd learned quickly to visit her last, lest he be unable to collect some groceries due to the late hour. "What does Darcy's kind words of me have to do with– with this," he demanded, waving a hand between them.
Thor swallowed. "I am...quite fond of Lady Jane. She insisted she would never again to speak with me should I continue to treat my own sibling so unkindly."
Loki snorted to hide the way he wanted to cry for hope. "Don't concern yourself; we're not true siblings," he suggested and started walking again.
Thor caught his wrist as Loki passed him, refusing to let this lay. "And it is to my shame that you would think so. I have–" His voice cracked and he turned away from Loki's blank stare. "I have wronged you so, Brother, and never once have you deserved it."
Loki flinched at the endearment and looked away, because the more he looked at Thor, the more his eyes burned with tears. "It doesn't matter, Thor."
"It does," Thor insisted, tugging on Loki's wrist. Drawing attention to the fact that Thor was still touching him. Thor, who had stopped touching Loki for longer than a clap on the back at least two years before he discovered the truth, which had him refusing all contact all together.
Loki, flummoxed, looked up into damp blue eyes and couldn't, for the life of him, figure out how one woman had so changed Thor in just one night.
"You're my brother, my best friend for years. And I forgot all of that for...for..." He shook his head, lost for words.
"The discovery that I'm as much a woman as I am a man?" Loki deadpanned, just to see Thor flinch.
Thor didn't disappoint him with the flinch, but he also didn't let go of Loki's wrist, like he would have expected. "You have always been that. Never has that mattered before, why should I have let it come between us then? Mother–" He choked and dropped his head, his face a mask of shame.
And, suddenly, Loki realised how this Lady Jane had got through to Thor: He had idolised Frigga as much as Loki had, and they'd both missed her like a limb torn away. Baldr, too young to remember much of her, had suffered none of the heavy loss that Loki and Thor had borne since the day they found her fallen in her dressing room, hair and gowns splayed about her like when she'd fall back into the grass in the field, laughing as Thor and Loki cuddled up against her sides to watch the clouds moving above their heads.
"Mother would be so ashamed of me," Thor finished on a whisper, the words pulling against the wind that tried to tear them away from Loki's ears.
Loki reached up and, uncertainly, touched Thor's cheek. "Mother would understand," he promised, voice catching in his throat. "She knew how important Father's approval is to you."
Thor pulled Loki forward and wrapped him in a hug, grip so much stronger than it had been the last time they had hugged. Loki stiffened at the contact, uncertain how to react to it, and Thor reluctantly let him go. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Loki wrapped his arms around his abdomen, uncaring, for once, as it forced his breasts to show, even under the too-large tunic that had once been Thor's. He took a moment to gather himself, then pointed out, "This changes nothing. I remain your family's servant, and far less than human in the eyes of both Father and Baldr."
Thor shrank at each matter-of-fact word.
Loki sighed and turned back towards the town. "Come on, Thor. We have much shopping to do, assuming you actually want new clothing and tea."
"Yeah," Thor agreed quietly, joining Loki without another word.
It turned out Thor had received a tea suggestion by his lady, so they made a stop in at Darcy's shop. She was obviously delighted to see Loki, but her cheer took a dramatic drop as soon as she realised he was accompanied by one of his brothers.
Loki took over the conversation before Darcy could make a scene. "Darcy, this is Thor. He said he was given a suggestion by a Lady Jane for a tea she favoured?"
Darcy tilted her head comically so she could look down her nose at Thor, who was nearly a foot taller than her. "Was it the belladonna?" she asked in a fake sweet voice.
"Darcy," Loki complained.
"Your friends are most protective of you, Brother," Thor remarked drily, as aware as Loki how poisonous belladonna was. "Shall I expect such welcome at every shop in town?"
Darcy shot Loki a startled look; he'd told her last year that his brothers were no longer admitting familial ties to him, though he'd avoided explaining why.
Loki sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "How is it, I wonder, that Lady Jane knew so much of me to put Thor in his place when I was mentioned, yet I have never once heard you speak of her?"
Darcy let out a nervous little laugh. "You have," she insisted. "You're even friends, but she prefers to go by Natalie in town."
Loki blinked in surprise. He knew Natalie, certainly. She was a constant patron of Darcy's, and had been teaching the shop owner how to read and write when Loki first started being sent to collect items from town. Natalie was well-read and plenty clever to keep up with Loki at his most creative, which left them in a constant balance of friends with an edge of competition. Loki had never asked about her upbringing, but her being a member of Thor's social class explained a lot. It even explained why she'd been around less and less this past year, since she was of a marriageable age.
To Thor, Loki murmured, "I'm surprised she didn't hit you."
"She did," Thor admitted, making Darcy cackle. "Twice. If we hadn't been in the garden, she would have made a spectacle. As it was, two other couples left with due haste."
Loki shook his head and leaned against the counter. "I can guess what tea she suggested," he told Darcy, "and Thor will hate it."
"You don't know that!" Thor complained.
Loki gave his brother an unimpressed stare, which had the blond drooping like a chastised puppy, then he turned back to Darcy, who wore a smile so bright, it put the sun to shame. "Citrus lavender for me, black dragon pearls for Thor, if you have any?"
Darcy nodded. "My last cup. Are you sure?"
Loki paused to consider his request for the rare tea, then nodded. "For the moment, yes. But ask me again in a month," he added drily.
Thor made a sound of complaint behind him, but remained, wisely, silent.
Darcy quickly brewed their tea, then brought it out with a cup for herself and joined them at the table they'd settled at. As she poured the tea, Darcy said, "I assume, since Thor actually got a dance with Lady Jane, that you weren't allowed to the ball, Loki."
Loki shrugged. "Of course not. I am a servant."
"It's not fair," Thor complained, causing Darcy to glance at him in surprise. When Loki raised an eyebrow at him, Thor insisted, "You were raised the same as Baldr and me, have the same right to meet the prince and princesses as us. More, perhaps; what's to say you weren't born into nobility?"
"What I was born as is hardly a matter for debate," Loki replied.
"Maybe we can disguise you?" Darcy offered hopefully. "Was anyone wearing a mask?"
Thor shook his head, but his eyes gleamed in a way that reminded Loki of all their worst 'adventures'. "No," he ordered before Thor could make his suggestion.
Thor smiled. "I was going to say, Father and Baldr would never suspect you to attend as a woman."
"No," Loki insisted.
Darcy considered him. "You could definitely pull it off. I mean, we'll have to pad your chest a bit, and the tailor is going to look at you a bit odd, putting a bloke in a gown..."
"She doesn't know?" Thor wondered, eyebrows raised at Loki.
Loki hunched over his tea and glared at his brother. "Do you honestly blame me for keeping it to myself?"
Thor winced and looked away, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Loki."
Darcy looked between them in confusion. "What? What are you not telling me?"
Loki took a fortifying breath, glanced around to remind himself that they were the only people in the shop at the moment, then sat up and pulled the tunic tight across his chest. "I am half woman," he admitted, forcing his voice to not shake.
Darcy's eyes went wide and she stared at him until he'd hunched back over his tea. Then she let out a delighted noise and declared, "That is fantastic!" She leaned forward, unperturbed by the confused looks the brothers were shooting her. "What's it like? No, wait, not a good topic for the shop. You realise this is practically the best thing ever, right?" She tilted her head to one side, considering him. "We can put you in a skirt before we send you down to–"
"You don't think it's...unnatural?" Loki asked.
Darcy blinked. "When has that ever stopped me?"
Loki let out a laugh of relief. "When, indeed."
Darcy frowned and turned on Thor. "The only reason I'm not hitting you is that you're trying to be better. But, for the record, I really, really want to hit you."
Thor grimaced. "Noted."
Darcy nodded, then turned back to Loki. "Let's talk logistics. I don't have a horse or anything to get you to the palace, you know."
Loki fingered the upper edge of his cup. "Heimdall will take me."
"If he tells Father–" Thor cautioned.
Loki waved a hand at him. "I trust Heimdall to hold his silence. You'll simply have to trust that I wouldn't put myself in harm's way."
Thor scowled, but didn't bring it up again as Darcy turned to the question of getting herself into the manor to help Loki get dressed, then the fabric and colours he would prefer. All of which were kept to the less pricy end until Thor insisted, "You're owed eight years new clothing; get whatever you want. I'll handle the cost and Father's questions."
"He grows on you," Darcy commented a bit later, as she helped Loki into an older skirt and blouse that were both a little short, but serviceable.
Loki stared at himself in the mirror, disbelieving at the change different clothing made. "He does," he agreed absently.
Darcy turned him away from the mirror, expression uncommonly sober. "Are you okay?"
Loki considered the question for a moment before quietly admitting, "A part of me is still waiting to wake up."
Darcy very firmly pinched him, grinning as Loki whimpered and snatched his arm away. "Awake yet?"
"I don't think I like you any more," Loki decided.
Darcy laughed and started towards the ladder back down to the back room of the shop. "Come on. Let's make you a lady."
Thor said everyone had worn bright colours to the first night of the ball, each trying to outdo the other, and the tailor helpfully told them that people were doing the same thing this go around. So Loki decided on a dull grey shade for his gown. He figured it would be good for fading back into shadowy corners, even as it stood out against the brighter colours of everyone else.
Thor, likewise, asked for slate blue. In part so Odin wouldn't notice that there were two different outfits in Thor's pile, in part because he trusted Loki's reasoning, even without knowing what it was.
At Darcy's direction, they also ended up getting a silver necklace and hairband set, both pieces speckled with tiny green emeralds. They had a fight over shoes, because Loki didn't want to give up his comfortable boots, which had served him wonderfully for the past two years and only had a tiny hole above the sole on the instep.
"Anyway," he'd added as they looked at the shoes on display in the shoe maker's window, "the last thing I need is to be taller. You heard the tailor; he's already having to add fabric to make up for my excessive height, no need to force him to add more because you two think I need woman shoes."
Thor sighed and shrugged. "He's not going to budge. If we buy any shoes, they'll be in the fire by the time you arrive."
Darcy groaned and leaned against Loki's side, looking up at him with a pitiful expression. "Just, whatever you do, don't lift your skirts where anyone can see."
"I promise," Loki agreed, and they moved on to hats, gloves, and shawls. Thor did get the hat and gloves he'd promised Baldr, utilising Loki's greater recall to make sure he matched the shade of blue.
Their last stop was to the hairstylist, who took one look at Loki's hair and about cried, then dragged him over to a chair and set about fixing what she could of the soot-dirtied, self-trimmed locks of Loki's hair.
By the time they returned to the manor, Loki and Thor were both exhausted, but also excited. They had to stand in the trees at the edge of the property for five minutes to calm themselves, for they kept grinning when they locked eyes.
It was good, Loki decided as he helped Thor carry everything up to his rooms, to have his brother back. Even if it didn't last.
Heimdall was more than willing to take Loki to the ball, and he'd hugged him with a proud smile and heartfelt compliment once Loki had stepped out of the manor in his finery, Darcy grinning behind them.
"You must find me by midnight, if I am to return you home in time enough to pick up the masters," Heimdall warned him once they were on the way. "I can probably make the trip if you wait no later than half past, but it'll put a strain on the horses."
"I will look for you before the clock strikes the hour," Loki promised.
Heimdall nodded, accepting his word without question, and asked about Thor's sudden change of heart and Darcy.
Loki took care to not make an entrance, which wasn't hard with the ball already in full swing. He descended the grand staircase as quickly as he could, uncomfortable so exposed, and huddled in the first shadowed corner he found. He spent five minutes there, scanning the dance floor and making note of where Baldr was huddled with his friends, where Odin stood with his military fellows, and the positions of both princesses (he could tell who they were based on the crowns they wore and the men crowding around them) and the king and queen. He didn't see anyone he thought was the prince, nor Thor and Natalie. (Jane. Whatever her name was.)
Recalling what Thor had said about the garden, Loki made his way out there, turning down a dance offer with a polite smile and carefully not agreeing to one later.
Thor and Natalie were seated around the fountain with two other young women and three young men. Natalie saw Loki first, and her eyes went wide before she jumped to her feet with an undignified squeal and scooped up her skirts to run up to Loki and hug him. "Thor said you would try to come!" she exclaimed before pulling back to look him over. "You look really, really good, Lo'."
Loki smiled at her. "As do you, Natalie."
Natalie grimaced. "I am sorry for never telling you. But, given how you always speak of your family, do you really blame me for not telling you I'm of noble birth?"
"Noble birth?" Loki repeated, eyebrows raising. "Thor really is looking to marry up, isn't he?"
Natalie snorted. "You're assuming I want anything to do with him, after all I've heard you say."
Loki shook his head. "Before Mother died, he was not so horrible. Perhaps he simply needs a woman around to beat common decency into him." He winked and Natalie let out a bright laugh.
"Oiy!" one of the other males at the fountain called, leaning forward. "Bring the lady over here, Jane! No need to hog her alone."
Jane sighed and mouthed an apology, which Loki smiled at, then led the way over to the fountain. "Everyone, this is my very good friend, Loki," she introduced. "Lo', you already know Thor. But this is Tom, Alice, Matthew, Anna, and Edmund." She paused for an exchange of greetings amongst all involved, then motioned for Loki to take her original spot between Thor and Tom, and settled in at Thor's other side.
Tom very lightly took Loki's gloved hand and brought it to his lips. "Good evening, Lady Loki."
Loki, inexplicably, felt himself flushing, and sent a silent thank you to Darcy and her rouge. "Just Loki, please," he requested. "I'm no lady."
"And yet you look so very much like one," Tom murmured.
Loki almost snatched his hand back, not interested in flirting, even with Natalie's friends, but then he saw a spark in Tom's eyes, one that promised trouble and nothing but a good time so long as Loki played along. He narrowed his eyes and quickly reversed their hands, bringing Tom's to his lips for a light kiss. "And you like a delicate lord. I mustn't dance with you, lest I step on your foot and you crumble to dust in my hands."
"Loki!" Thor hissed, disapproving.
Tom laughed, bright and pleased, and carefully extracted his hand from Loki's. "If you're afraid to dance with me, Lady Loki, you need only say so. I promise not to hold your fear against you."
Loki grinned. "I have two brothers, Lord Tom. You're going to have to try harder than that to bait me into joining you on the dance floor."
"Ah. I do so love a challenge," Tom promised.
Loki spent the first hour providing as much of a challenge as he possibly could, but even he eventually had to admit defeat and let Tom lead him onto the dance floor. The fact that neither Baldr nor Odin had moved, nor did they show any interest in the dancers, helped soothe Loki's agreement. Even disguised as he was, he had no interest in catching even a hint of Odin's attention.
One dance turned into two, which then turned into three and five, until Loki finally insisted his feet hurt and he needed to sit down somewhere.
Tom led him to a table piled with refreshments and had a chair brought over for Loki to sit in. "Did you want me to rub your feet?" he teased good-naturedly.
Loki rolled his eyes. "And disabuse you of the notion that a woman's feet always smell of roses? I think not."
Tom chuckled and accepted a second chair with a surprisingly honest, "Thank you, Mark," to the servant who brought it. Then he sat and admitted, "I have two sisters; I'm quite aware that not all women's feet smell of roses." He smiled. "For that matter, I don't think they've ever once smelled of flowers, either of them. Not even after that time Emma decided to dump a bottle of rose perfume on her feet."
Loki blinked, glanced out past the dance floor to where the two princesses were laughing at something a man had just said, then blinked again. "You're the prince," he realised dumbly.
Tom grimaced. "Ah. And you are surprisingly quick. I shouldn't have said Emma's name."
Hurt roiled in Loki's stomach and he stood. "Excuse me, your Highness," he murmured before turning to walk away.
"Oh for– Curse it all. Loki, stop," Tom pleaded, catching his arm before he could get out of reach. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mislead you, I just..." He sighed and gave Loki the most pitiful look he'd even seen.
Loki stared back at him, forcing himself to be unmoved. "You have once chance to explain yourself."
Tom sighed and ran a hand through his hair, the curls catching on his fingers and springing back into place when he lowered his hand again. "The last thing I wanted was a ball to find a spouse, and I told Mother that, but she's quite set on seeing all of us married and with grandchildren at the soonest possible occasion. Sarah and Emma said they could hold the ball for them and leave me out of it, but Mother and Father still invited all eligible women for me. So I've been..."
"Hiding," Loki finished for him, returning to his seat. "Without a crown, most people wouldn't know you from the boy down the road."
Tom let out a relieved noise. "Exactly. My cousins agreed to play along, and Lady Jane is always up for a bit of deception. Which you clearly know, since you keep calling her Natalie."
Loki shrugged, unconcerned. "It's hard to break almost five years of habit." Then he tilted his head curiously, Tom's earlier comment connecting in his head. "The others are all your cousins?"
"Quite. There are a few others floating around somewhere, but you've met the bulk of them."
Loki nodded and took a sip of his drink, then set it aside to tease, "I suppose I should be honoured that the prince chose to dance with me instead of continuing to sit with his cousins in the garden."
Tom's lips twitched. "I get the sense you're not, actually, honoured."
"Your sense is quite correct. You let me think you a dainty lord, but you're actually a prince. I'm not sure I can afford the cost if I break you. You definitely won't be getting another dance."
"Ah. I did convince you once, you know," Tom pointed out.
"You did," Loki agreed with a smirk. "The question is, can you perform two miracles in one night?"
It turned out Tom was more than capable of charming Loki twice. If not for Baldr getting into a loud argument, Loki probably would have completely missed the time. As it was, he had to sneak away when Tom wasn't looking. For which he felt a little bad, but he had to take what he could get when it came to avoiding the attention of his family.
Heimdall wasted no time in getting him home, and Loki was more than happy to share details when he asked. At the manor, Darcy awaited to help him out of the gown, and he had to recount the highlights a second time. When he asked if she'd known about Natalie being nobility, Darcy made a disbelieving noise and shook her head. Which made Loki feel a little bit better about her knowing that Natalie hadn't been the well-read common woman she'd acted.
When Odin, Thor, and Baldr returned, Loki met them to receive their outer wear as though he'd been home alone the entire evening. Odin's lack of suspicion was the greatest gift Loki had ever received.
"I thought you were only going to people watch," Thor teased when he found Loki in the garden, collecting whatever vegetables were ripe.
Loki shrugged. "Yes, well, hard not to be charmed onto the dance floor when your opponent is a prince."
Thor froze, his expression torn between disbelief and his teasing smile.
Loki nodded. "I didn't think they'd told you. He slipped while we were resting."
Thor groaned and laid out on the ground next to Loki. "What is it with the nobility and keeping secrets?"
Loki shoved Thor's shoulder with one knee as he shifted. "You'll have to tell me once you marry Nat– Sorry, Lady Jane."
Thor rolled his eyes. "You can call her Natalie, Loki. I know who you mean."
"Hm."
Thor brought up a hand to flick Loki's leg. "And you're one to talk. Considering how many times you and Prince Tom danced last night, I'd think you were the closer to a marriage proposal."
Loki groaned and shot his brother a disbelieving look. "Ignoring the fact that I'm lying about my gender–"
"Not really."
"–and that I'm a servant, we both know Father would never give a suitor his blessing."
"Ah, well," Thor mumbled, grimacing.
"Quite."
Thor was quiet for a long moment, staring up at the sky as Loki worked at an easy pace around him. Finally, he asked, "Are you coming again tonight?"
Loki sighed. He'd turned that question over in his mind multiple times since he'd returned home last night. "I'd like to," he admitted. "And Darcy is coming over again."
Thor leaned up on his elbows and pulled his legs out of Loki's way. "We can get you a new gown."
Loki smiled. "I'm fine with this one. And, no, I don't care what people say about it. Maybe my horrible faux pas will turn Prince Tom off me."
"Or he'll like you all the more; he didn't seem the least off-put last night when you were talking about how pig dung felt lovely between the fingers."
Loki grinned, remembering well the faces Tom's female cousins and Thor had made when he'd got started on the topic.
"Honestly, Loki. I'm not sure, some days, whether it's you who's unprepared for society, or society that's unprepared for you."
"Perhaps a bit of both," Loki suggested.
Thor snorted and shoved at him with one foot. "You are the master of straddling two extremes."
They shared a laugh.
Much later that afternoon, Loki would wonder at how quickly Thor had put aside his prejudices, followed by a moment of horrible, crippling doubt. He would force himself to think of a hug that he had been the one to flinch away from, the playful shoving in the garden, the honest smile Thor had given him at the ball when he saw Loki in his fine clothing for the first time.
And Loki would hope and pray, with every ounce of his being, that this wasn't just some elaborate plan to break him the rest of the way.
When Loki let Darcy in after the carriage had left, he found the shopkeeper bearing a new gown. Upstairs in Thor's well-lit bedroom, Loki discovered it was a deep, sage green in colour and made from far finer material than anything the town tailor carried. "You didn't purchase this," he said with certainty.
Darcy shook her head. "Natalie brought it to me just before supper. She had her family's tailor make it to the specifications she'd got from the town tailor." She smiled a bit helplessly. "She said it's an apology for not telling us she was nobility. Also, that, if you were going to dance with a prince, you really needed to look the part."
Loki stared down at the gown, hand splayed against the fabric. "Dance with Tom? Again?" He shook his head. "That's really a terrible idea."
"Why?" Darcy asked. "According to you, he's handsome, funny, clever, and you'd give anything to tumble into a bed with him."
"I never said that last one!" Loki shouted, flushing. And, God, now that Darcy had made the suggestion...
Darcy put on a false thoughtful look. "You didn't? Oh, my mistake." She smiled, wide and not the least bit apologetic.
Loki let out an irritated huff. "Look at me, Darcy. I'm neither male nor female. You might think that's brilliant, but any normal person would sooner cut off their own hand than have anything to do with me."
"Loki, sweetheart," Darcy soothed, squeezing Loki's forearms, "I think your idea of 'normal' is extremely skewed."
Loki looked away, refusing to respond to that.
Darcy sighed. "Hey. Why not ask him?"
"Ask him?" Loki repeated, the suggestion lodging itself quite firmly in his mind without any hint of resistance.
"Yeah. And if he has a bad reaction, drop him like a load of bricks. If he takes it well, maybe he's worth taking a chance on." She squeezed his arms. "You've already been proven wrong about both me and Natalie, you know."
"Okay," Loki agreed. "If he asks me to dance again, I'll ask him."
"He's going to ask you to dance again," Darcy promised, taking the gown from Loki and motioning for him to strip down to his undergarments.
Tom was, in fact, waiting for him by the castle entrance, not even bothering to pretend he was enjoying the ball without Loki. "You arrive fashionably late, then leave fashionably early," he teased as he fell in next to him.
Loki raised an eyebrow at him. "Not all of us live on the premises, your Highness."
Tom raised an eyebrow back. "How can I talk you into calling me 'Tom' again?"
Loki took barely a second to process the question before blurting out, "Answer a question in all honestly."
Tom blinked and stopped them both, clearly surprised. "You have my word," he promised, voice gone quiet and serious.
Loki faltered for a second, then swallowed and pushed ahead, "Say there was a person who was neither woman nor man."
"In what way?" Tom asked, brow furrowed with confusion.
"In a–" Loki paused and tried to word what he wanted to say in a manner that was both understandable and suitable for polite society.
"Honestly, Loki," Tom requested.
Loki took a deep breath. "In that they have both a man's sexual organs, and a woman's." He closed his eyes, trying not to berate himself for being so...uncouth.
"Is that even possible?" Tom breathed. He sounded intrigued, rather than disgusted or horrified, and Loki peeked his eyes open as he nodded. Tom's eyes were bright with interest. "I imagine that must make life difficult. How would you decide what clothing to wear, or how people should call you? How would you relieve yourself? Would you have to do it twice, to manage the two sets? Or would it all come at once?"
Loki stared at the prince in disbelief, a knot in his chest untying and fading away into nothing.
"But, goodness, the freedom of getting to choose who you are..." Tom shook his head. "That must be...glorious." He sighed and smiled at Loki. "Do you know someone like that? A friend?"
"A–" Loki swallowed. "Yes. A very close friend," he managed without his voice cracking, miraculously.
"You'll have to introduce us some time."
"Maybe I will," Loki agreed, lost to the mix of emotions blooming in his chest.
Tom took a hold of both of Loki's hands and brought them to his mouth to kiss. "Will you dance with me tonight, my lady?"
Loki gathered himself to tug Tom's hands up to his own mouth to kiss. "I suppose," he allowed, smirking over the prince's hands.
Tom smiled back, wide and pleased, and Loki found himself mirroring it as Tom led him into the ballroom.
The Tales of the Fairy Men Series:
Part One: Before He Drowns ~ The Little Mermaid (Turquoise)
Part Two: Crackle of Flames ~ The Steadfast Tin Soldier (Orange)
Part Three: The Curse Stops Here ~ The Frog Prince (Black)
Part Four: Occluded Front ~ The Ugly Duckling (Pink)
Part Five: Let Me Be Your Wings ~ Thumbelina (Purple)
Part Six: Chime of a Bell ~ The Red Shoes (White)
Part Seven: Regardless of Warnings ~ Beauty & the Beast (Blue)
Part Eight: Little Green Riding Hood ~ Red Riding Hood (Green)
Part Nine: Für Loki ~ The Crane Wife (Yellow)
Part Ten: One Day I'll Fly Away ~ Cinderella (Grey)
Part Eleven: Don't Count the Miles ~ Bearskin (Silver)
Part Twelve: The Snow King ~ The Snow Queen (Red)
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Date: 5/11/13 00:40 (UTC)