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batsutousaiTitle: Silver Wings
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Author: Batsutousai
Pairing: Squall Leonhart/Seifer Almasy
Rating: Mature
Warnings: AU, canon violence, Sorceress!Squall, original character death, mind rape, mental torture
Summary: On that fateful day, when a child grown visited his childhood home and a dying sorceress passed on her powers, it wasn't another sorceress they found, but a young boy running lost.
A/N: The original character death is in this chapter. I hadn't originally intended to kill her, but I needed something to force Squall from the White SeeD Ship, and this was where my muse went. I am....so unbelievably sorry, you have no idea.
"He's called Bahamut," Squall explained when Beau asked him about the dragon after breakfast. He'd led Squall away to his cabin office, another SeeD distracting Matron from following, and Sis apparently tasked with keeping Virgie busy. "He..." He frowned, realising he wasn't completely certain why the GF had come.
'Your spell called to me, from the deepest of slumbers. There is wrongness in it, just as there is power,' Bahamut was quick to answer. Which...not really an answer, Squall thought, but...
"The magic I cast, in the forest. He says it caught his attention," he finished lamely.
"The explosion?" Beau asked, eyebrows raising. "That was you?"
Squall gave a cautious nod.
"Great Hyne," Beau breathed out, staring at Squall like he was something new. "You– Fuck, kid. The blowback from that spell sent Alexander rocking."
Squall slouched in his chair. "I didn't do it on purpose," he mumbled.
Beau sighed and leaned forward, catching one of Squall's hands. When Squall looked up into those familiar eyes, he found them looking wary, just a bit, and his stomach rolled unpleasantly. "That's what scares me," Beau admitted, voice quiet. "Squall, you were born late enough that you don't have any memories of it, but Adel's reign was...horrible. You know who Adel was?"
Squall nodded, because he'd heard a bit about her from the other SeeDs, when he'd asked about other sorceresses. She'd sounded terrible, exactly like the sort of person he didn't want to become.
Beau squeezed his hand. "You are going to remind a lot of people of her," he warned, and Squall flinched. Beau's expression turned apologetic. "I'm not going to kick you off, kid. Even if I thought Matron would let me get away with it, I wouldn't. But, you need to know: You scare people. Some of my SeeDs, even, because we fought Adel, a lot of us. We know what she was capable of, and it doesn't matter, to some of them, that you're a kid. They're scared."
Squall swallowed and closed his eyes, wanting to reply, 'I'm scared,' but unable to make the words form.
"Squall," Beau called, and Squall opened his eyes to stare at him, vision wet. "I know. Matron and I, we're going to do what we can, okay? We'll move some SeeDs onto scout ships if we have to; we're going to keep you safe. But you deserve to know what's going down out there, okay? You've got enough on your plate without getting blindsided with someone talking too much out on deck one day." He reached up and gently wiped at Squall's cheeks, catching tears he'd no idea had fallen. "I just need you to promise me one thing, okay?"
Squall gave a cautious nod.
"Don't run off again."
Squall opened his mouth, found his voice had completely abandoned him, and closed it again before shaking his head.
Beau frowned. "Squall, I can't keep you safe if I can't keep an eye on you. You running off like that–"
"I can't hurt you!" Squall got out in a rush, his voice cracking under the strain. "I have to get away or I'll hurt you!"
Beau stared at him, eyes gone wide. "Oh," he whispered before he leaned forward and wrapped Squall in a hug. "You don't deserve this, Squall. You don't deserve any of this." He pulled back and brushed away Squall's tears again. "You listen to me, Squall Leonhart: You are a good kid. And don't you ever let anyone tell you different."
Squall nodded, something in his chest easing at the words.
Beau pressed his lips together tight enough that they paled, then he shook his head. "At least promise you'll always come back. If you have to get away, I need to know you'll be back."
"We will ensure he returns to you," Shiva promised as she appeared behind Squall's chair, ice crackling along the back of it when she rested her hand there.
"Holy fuck," Beau breathed out, jerking back in his seat. He looked between Squall and Shiva for a moment, then got out, "Did you summon her?"
Squall shook his head, but it was Shiva who answered, "We know when the Sorceress needs us." Her fingers soothed through Squall's hair, and her voice, when she spoke again, was amused. "Even when he does not realise it is so."
"I...had no idea GFs could do that," Beau admitted.
Shiva let out a quiet laugh. "We cannot, normally. But there is a twist in his magic, and it gives us this ability."
Squall glanced up at her, curiosity bubbling up into his chest, past the fear and uncertainty. "Huh? My...magic?"
Shiva inclined her head. "This is a gift you give to us, Sorceress, to have a solidness for longer than we are used to in this world." She laughed again, deeper this time, and added, "It is a struggle, to not exploit it. But I have no wish to over-tire you in case needs must." She touched his cheek, ice forming against his skin. "You are our charge, Sorceress." She looked back to Beau, gaze hardening. "Trust we will keep him safe, when you cannot."
Beau inclined his head. "Yes, ma'am. I leave him in your capable hands."
She nodded, then faded away, leaving only melting ice and a strange chill in the air to mark her passing.
Beau offered Squall a helpless smile. "I think you'll be okay. But you know where I am, if you need me. Right?"
"Yeah," Squall agreed, managing a small smile back.
"Good. Go find your shadow before she drives Elle insane."
Squall grimaced at the reminder of Virgie, but still hurried out of the cabin to find her.
She and Sis were watching the fish, but it was clear her heart wasn't in it until Squall joined them.
"You're not in trouble, are you?" she pleaded as she hugged him.
Squall blinked, surprised, then shook his head. "No. I'm okay." He touched her hair, uncertain for a moment, before brushing his fingers through it, just like Matron and Sis and Shiva did for him. She smiled up at him for it, and he smiled back, then nodded toward the side of the boat. "Wanna see something cool?"
"Yeah!"
He hopped up on the small stool kept there for him, so he could see over the edge of the railing, and wrapped an arm around her when she joined him, so she didn't fall. "Which fish should I make go faster?"
"That one!" Virgie called out, pointing, and Squall motioned along her arm. She laughed when the fish sped up, and so did Sis, her smile wide and approving. Squall grinned and let Virgie point out the fish for him to use magic on, easing the churning darkness within him.
On Squall's seventh birthday – he'd turned six while he'd been sick, he'd been surprised to find out – Beau gave him a sword.
"Beau," Matron had said, disapproving.
"Oh, come on, Matron," he'd replied with a laugh. "He's a boy. Boys like hitting things with swords."
He hadn't been wrong, really. Squall had wanted to try out one of the SeeDs' swords for a while, watching them practise drills while he and Sis sat with Matron and quieted their minds. (Virgie still ended up asleep on him more often than not, but she did try, most of the time.)
Now, with his own sword, he talked Matron into moving their quieting time to just before dinner and joined the SeeDs in their drills. Most of them seemed amused, and a few were happy to help him by correcting his stances, but it wasn't hard to tell which SeeDs didn't care for him. He avoided those few and let the others help him, feeling more and more at ease each time he followed them on their drills.
"It's calming," he admitted to Matron one evening, as he helped her tuck an already sleeping Virgie in. "I just focus on my movements, and everything else goes away. Just like you taught me."
Matron sighed and looked down at where he was wearing his sword at his hip, never without it because true SeeDs were never unprepared. "I just don't want you to hurt yourself. And, if you take up a weapon, you're going to hurt yourself."
Squall bit his lip, staring down at his hands for a long moment, before looking up at her and quietly saying, "I'm a sorceress, Matron. Every time someone finds out, I chance getting hurt. I can't..." He took a deep breath, chest aching at the way her eyes were watering. "I need to be able to protect myself, no matter what."
Matron leaned down and hugged him, over-tight. "I wish..." she whispered, voice breaking. "Oh, Squall." She pulled back and cupped his cheek. "You're growing up too fast for me."
He clenched his hands into fists. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, sweetheart," she promised before kissing his forehead. "I wish you would let us protect you a bit, though."
Squall looked away, torn between shame and the constant fear that settled uneasily in his stomach, unable to forget what his magic had done to a forest.
Matron sighed. "Let's see you to bed."
Four months after Squall turned seven, a scout ship brought them three new kids: All boys, a three-year-old, a five-year-old, and a six-year-old.
"The older two could have gone to Garden," the SeeD who'd brought them told Matron as the three boys stared distrustfully at Squall, Sis, and Virgie, "but we didn't really want to separate the three, so..."
"No, this is fine," Matron promised. "We have plenty of room."
The boys didn't end up rooming with Squall like he'd expected. Instead, a couple of SeeDs bunked up and the boys got the emptied cabin.
"It's for your safety," Beau told him later, while Matron was helping the new boys settle in. "Until we can be absolutely certain no one will try anything against you, you're keeping your own room."
Squall squeezed Virgie's hand in his, the girl ever at his side, instead of touching his sword, like he'd wanted. "You're afraid I'll hurt them," he said quietly, because that's what he'd heard one of the SeeDs whispering when he hadn't realised Squall was right behind him.
Beau shook his head. "You or one of your GFs, sure, that's always a possibility. But really, kid..." He sighed and ruffled Squall's hair. "It's for your protection, too. I don't want anyone attacking you and landing a hit, any more than I want them as frozen as Winter Island for getting too daring. Okay?"
"Okay," Squall had agreed and tried to remind himself that Beau wasn't the other SeeDs.
Apparently, seven kids and a baby was the maximum level of on-board annoyance that the majority of the adults could stand, because when another kid joined them – a four-year-old girl with a love of the word 'no' – the ship docked inside the Centra Crater for the first time. Beau sent out four teams of SeeDs, waited for them all to report back that the area was safe, then kicked the group of children off the ship.
The three boys and the new girl all ran ahead, laughing, with Sis following behind much slower. Beau held Squall back, though (and, by extension, Virgie), to tell him, "Keep an eye on them, kid. I'm trusting you to keep them safe until one of my SeeDs gets there, if there's trouble. Got it?"
"Yes, sir!" Squall had barked, imitating the way the SeeDs who had already left on patrol had sounded.
Beau grinned and ruffled his hair, then tugged gently on one of Virgie's pigtail braids. "Get out of my sight."
That trip was managed just fine, with no one hurt and no monsters showing up to cause trouble. So Beau started letting them all off the ship every few days, clearly glad for the break.
It was the third such stop when the five-year-old boy, Vance, tripped down an incline none of them had noticed. Squall and Sis had led the way over, the others close behind, to find Vance screaming and hugging his arm to his chest.
"I think it's broken," Sis whispered to Squall as she combed her fingers through Vance's hair, trying to quiet him. He had scrapes all along his legs and arms, too, which almost certainly wasn't helping matters.
Squall bit his lip and looked around, trying to spot one of the SeeD teams, but the incline hid them from view. "Shiva," he whispered and the ice GF immediately formed at his side. "Can you get help?"
Shiva inclined her head. "Of course. Don't move him." Then she was off, ice trailing behind her along the barren landscape.
"Can't you do anything?" Ace, the eldest of the brothers, demanded, hugging himself. "You're supposed to be full of super powerful magic, right? That's what I heard."
Squall shook his head. "I don't have the right kind of magic," he tried explaining, because healing magic was not something he'd been able to manage.
Ace ran forward and shoved him. "Fix him!"
Squall clenched his fists and tried to breathe, needed to keep from shoving Ace back, because Squall couldn't chance hurting him, wouldn't hurt him. "I can't," he insisted, trying to keep his voice steady.
"You just don't want to!" Ace shouted. "You think you're better than us, so you won't!" His eyes flickered towards Virgie, who was holding Lorena, the younger girl. "I bet–" he started before a wall of ice formed between him and the girls.
"That is enough of that thought," Shiva ordered as a couple of SeeDs hurried down the incline and towards Sis and Vance. The one on the left's hands were already glowing with what Squall knew was a Cure spell, and he looked down at his own hands, willing them to do the same.
'You simply don't have that sort of magic, Sorcerer,' Bahamut remarked drily. 'You were made for destruction, not healing.'
Squall clenched his hands into fists and spun away from the others to stalk away. He heard feet running behind him and knew who it was without having to look. "Go back, Gee," he ordered his constant shadow. "I need to blow off some steam, and I don't want you getting hurt."
Virgie's steps faltered, stopped, then slowly turned and she started back towards the others.
Squall stopped when he couldn't see anyone around him for far enough out, despite the jutting rocks, that he felt safe letting go of the reins on his magic a bit. He stomped on the ground, setting it shaking with a Quake, and cast a series of extremely unsatisfactory Bios against a rock.
'This is shameful,' Bahamut complained while Quezacotl tried to hush him. 'Cast something for real, Sorcerer.'
"No," Squall muttered, stomping again and throwing a couple more Bios at the innocent rock. "I'm not going to do that again."
Bahamut huffed in his head and finally settled down under Quezacotl's glare.
Squall shot off a couple more Bios, then sighed and dropped to the ground. "I'm useless," he complained, rubbing at his face.
'You're not,' Shiva insisted. 'You did exactly what you should have done: sent for help.'
'You're a Sorceress, not a god,' Quezacotl added. 'You can't do everything yourself, and no one expects you to be able to.'
"I just want to be able to help when someone gets hurt," Squall whispered, hugging his knees to his chest. "I don't want to only hurt people." He swallowed against the fear climbing his throat. "I want to be a good sorceress."
'You are a good Sorceress,' Shiva promised. 'Beau trusts you to look after the others and keep them safe.'
'And Sis trusted you,' Quezacotl was quick to add. 'She knew there was nothing she could do, but she trusted you'd be able to figure it out.'
Squall could feel the way Quezacotl and Shiva turned their glares on Bahamut, and he couldn't help but smile at the interplay between his three closest companions.
Bahamut sighed. 'Look, so maybe you can't do everything. But you're not just a Sorcerer, you're a child. No one expects you to be able to do everything yourself.' He paused for a moment, letting that sink in, then drily added, 'Well, no one except other children. But there's nothing anyone can do about that, Sorcerer, and I suggest you learn to ignore the brat.'
"I still wish..." Squall whispered.
'What do you expect wishes to do?' Bahamut demanded. 'They'll only make you miserable because they'll never come true. If you want healing magic so bad, have someone find you some para-magic.'
Squall straightened, staring at the much-abused rock in disbelief. "Para-magic?" he repeated. It was such a simple solution; why hadn't he thought of it? "Thanks, Bahamut," he breathed as he climbed to his feet. "You're the best."
Bahamut snorted, but there was a definite feeling of pleasure coming from him as he relaxed back in Squall's mind.
It didn't take Squall long to find his way back to the ship. Beau was waiting for him, looking somewhere between irritated and relieved, and he opened his mouth to start talking as soon as Squall started up the ramp.
"I want to learn how to use para-magic," Squall interrupted.
Beau stared at him for a moment, clearly thrown, then he sighed and shook his head. "Come aboard so we can cast off," he ordered and Squall did so.
He helped Beau pull the boarding ramp back up and secure it in place, then waited through the captain motioning for whoever was manning the wheel to take them out.
"This is about what happened to Vance," Beau guessed as he started for his cabin.
Squall hurried forward a couple steps so he could walk with the man. "Yeah. I don't..." He looked down at his hand and clenched it into a fist. "Ace is right. All this power, and for what? All I can do is hurt people."
"I'm pretty sure I remember you being able to cast a couple helpful spells," Beau replied as he held open the door to his cabin. Squall slipped in and settled into his usual chair, trying not to pick at his fingers while Beau dropped tiredly into the chair across from him. "Kid, I get where you're coming from, really I do, but learning to use para-magic takes years. And Hyne alone knows what will happen if we mix para-magic with the real stuff."
"I need to at least try," Squall insisted. "If I can use it, isn't it best I start learning how now?"
Beau watched him for a moment before sighing. "All right, Squall," he agreed. "Next time we dock, I'll take you out and see how you handle something benign. Scan, probably. If that goes well, I'll find someone who can teach you to use para-magic."
Squall felt unspeakably grateful and grinned. "Thanks, Beau."
Beau waved him toward the door, so Squall left him to find the others.
They left the crater the next day, crossing the sea north at an unusual clip. Squall spent two days trying not to think that Beau didn't want him trying para-magic, before they caught up with a scout ship and Vance and Ace were traded over.
"Too many kids running around my ship," Beau had joked while the two boys said their goodbyes. "Cid is far better suited to this headache than I am."
The other SeeDs had laughed and happily taken the brothers on-board, promising, "We'll get them to Balamb in one piece, Captain. You have our word."
They returned to Centra after that, and Squall got to try out some Scan para-magic.
It worked perfectly.
"I shouldn't be surprised," Beau commented after he'd let Squall try some elemental spells, as well as a low-level healing spell. "You didn't have any trouble with accepting and managing Shiva, even though most Garden students have trouble with their first GF."
Squall glanced down at the fading Float that was gently letting him closer and closer to the ground. "It doesn't feel the same," he admitted. "As my magic, I mean. It sits differently, and it's not trying to fight me."
Beau glanced over at him, curious. "Your magic fights you?"
Squall nodded and curled forward, around his knees, as the Float dissipated at last. "Yeah. It doesn't like me, I don't think. It's used to being used all the time."
Beau sighed. "That sorceress you got your powers from must have been a real piece of work."
"She scared me," Squall whispered, shuddering at the memory of her.
Beau frowned. "You remember her?"
Squall shrugged. "Yeah. Kind of hard to forget her."
"And the man that was with her?"
"Hard to forget him, either." Squall blinked, remembering something that he hadn't thought important at the time. "Hey. He knew my name." He straightened and looked at Beau. "Do you know who he was?"
Beau considered that for a moment, then shrugged. "Matron said he was a man out of time."
"Out of time," Squall repeated, looking down at his hands. He drew on his innate magic, letting his hands sparkle with Haste magic, then let it fade away.
'Don't tease it that way!' Bahamut snapped as Squall's magic snarled.
Squall winced. "Sorry," he whispered to his GFs as they got his magic back under control.
"Hm?" Beau glanced over at him. "Did you say something?"
Squall shook his head and pushed himself to his feet. He glanced towards where he could see Alexander docked in the distance. "Race you back?"
Beau grunted and got to his own feet. "Oh no, kid. I know how this is going to go. You're going to use Haste on yourself and beat me that way."
Squall grinned. "I'll cast it on you first. Give you a head start."
Beau looked suspicious, but gave a cautious nod.
Squall flicked a Haste at him and let him start out before letting his magic fill his skin, like he'd had a half-dozen Hastes cast on him all at once, their effects stacking.
His magic almost seemed to purr at the abuse of the normal spell.
Squall made it back to the ship long before Beau, waving at him cheerfully from the railing as the Captain started up the boarding ramp.
"You, kid, are a cheat," Beau declared, expression equal parts disgusted and amused.
Squall didn't bother denying it, Virgie giggling at his side.
"Right, teams, spread on out and clear out any nasty beasties. I need a couple hours of peace and quiet."
The SeeDs all laughed and a number of them gave Squall winks as they walked past.
Fifteen minutes later, Squall and the other children were free to play chase on land, the stock of Cures a reassuring weight in his mind.
Scout ships kept finding them, carrying kids or news. About half the kids – those five or older – were sent to the nearest Garden, while others found room with the main ship. If any of the new kids thought it was odd that Sis, Squall, and Virgie were all old enough to go to Garden, but remained on the ship, they didn't say anything about it. Rather, they flocked to the elder kids, calling them 'Sis Elle' and 'Brother Squall' and 'Sis Gee', listening to them as willingly as they did to Matron and the SeeDs.
One ship, though, just before Squall's eighth birthday, brought a gift with them: the GF Pandemona.
Pandemona wasn't a talkative GF, but she got on well with Quezacotl and didn't fight with Shiva or Bahamut, so Squall liked her. She did what she could to keep his magic in check, though it troubled him far less when he took pains to use it regularly, playing with fish for the younger children's amusement, racing unsuspecting people back to the ship for his own, or using his Quake magic to feel vibrations of others moving along the ground.
In early September, a few weeks after Squall turned eight, the ship was up north, responding to a plea sent by Uncle Cid. Squall didn't know the specifics, but he did know that they'd picked up a couple scout ship crews en route, and most of the SeeDs on the ship had left as soon as they'd found a landing on the northern end of the Bika Snowfield. The children were all expected to remain close to the ship, due to the decreased SeeD staff keeping an eye out, but Squall didn't always keep an eye on how far out they'd gone when they wandered, and Sis and Virgie used most of their attention to keep an eye on the younger kids.
Squall had been required to fight off a few monsters, but never anything too difficult. Never anything that he couldn't scare away with a Demi or the slightly more powerful Maelstrom, or a little help from one of his smaller GFs. (He tried not to call on Bahamut too often, because the dragon GF was the strongest of the lot, and they'd discovered quickly that it didn't take much for him to drain Squall's energy reserves, while calling on the other three was a mere drop in the bucket. Bahamut didn't seem to mind the lack of physical summoning, insisting he was far more comfortable curled close to Squall's misbehaving magic.)
It was just another day, tedious as ever, the group not even going particularly far beyond the perimeter that the SeeDs had sketched out. A couple of kids had run ahead, Virgie only keeping up because Squall kept an absent Haste on both her and Sis any time they were off the ship.
One of the children Sis was watching fell and scraped his knee, so Squall stooped down next to him, Cure making his fingers glow blue, while Sis whispered soothing things in the kid's ear.
The cut had just healed when a deep roar came from further up the path. Squall stumbled to his feet, hand going towards his sword, though he never really used it out here, and he ordered Sis, "Start heading back towards Alexander."
"Come on. Quickly," Sis called to the nearby children, and they all huddled close to her as she started back the way they'd come.
Squall started towards the roar, looking out for Virgie and her group. He'd just crested a rise that he thought they'd gone over earlier, when the roar came again, followed by a ruby dragon shooting up into the air ahead of him.
The dragon zoomed right past him, eyeing the group of children down below, and Squall felt a flash of terror that had him screaming, "Bahamut!"
The dark blue dragon GF appeared in between the group on the ground and the ruby dragon just before the monster let loose a stream of fire.
The ground shook under Squall's feet and he turned back to see another ruby dragon sitting in front of him. It was larger than the one Bahamut was facing and held something almost familiar in one claw. Squall swallowed and focussed on casting Maelstrom, hopeful it would at least make the ruby dragon think twice about attacking him. He didn't have many offensive spells, beyond the terrible black magic he wouldn't use, trusting his GFs to protect him. But, with Bahamut out, he couldn't call on one of the others; it would exhaust him too quickly.
The ruby dragon responded to the Maelstrom with a swipe of one claw. Squall stumbled back to avoid it, even as he cast another Maelstrom.
The second claw swipe caught him, on the shoulder, spinning him towards the ground, agony blooming out from where it had made contact.
'You need to fight it for real!' Shiva shouted in his mind. 'It's going to kill you if you don't!'
Squall looked up at the dragon, watched it open its mouth to shoot a fireball at him, and held up a hand as he reached down into his magic, grabbing for the spells he never let himself even consider using. "Ultima!" he heard himself roar before a globe of aqua light left his hand.
The spell exploded upon hitting the ruby dragon. It looked less damaging than the spell he'd unleashed in the forest over a year before, but it was impressive enough to finish the dragon, leaving its head hanging on by sinews, one shoulder and the upper part of an arm gone.
The unattached arm had been blown free and dropped to the ground not far from where Squall was still lying. He stared in disbelief for a long moment at the necklace that had fallen free from the headless body the dragon had been holding. Stained with its original owner's blood, the lion's head roared at him above the upside down Cross of Hyne.
"Gee?" Squall heard himself whisper as he reached out towards the familiar lion.
There was an odd rushing sound in his ears, and he was barely aware of one of the GFs in his head whispering, 'Oh shit,' before he screamed, anger and terror and loss echoing through the cliffs around him.
His magic responded to his agony, unfettered by his own strong will and the forced calm of the GFs who had just got the hell out of the way, it reached out and destroyed every ruby dragon it could find above ground. It couldn't bring the dead back to life, but it could destroy, it would destroy. It was limitless when given free range, drawing energy from time itself to keep from killing Squall.
At last, however, Squall ran out of strength, staring listlessly at the broken chain in his hand, the blood of the girl he'd come to think of as his little sister soaking into his hair.
The ground trembled under the claws of a much friendlier dragon, and Bahamut gently picked him up in claws meant for shredding. Squall closed his eyes and curled his hand against his chest, Virgie's necklace clutched tight in the hand he pressed over his heart. "Why?" he croaked, not even sure what he was asking.
"I don't know, Sorcerer," Bahamut replied, voice unusually gentle. "This suffering, I have no words of wisdom for. I am sorry."
Squall didn't respond to that, didn't respond to anything, really, even Matron's hand in his hair as she whispered out a terrified, "Squall?"
He just kept his eyes closed and waited for the darkness of oblivion, wishing for everything to be just a terrible dream.
"He can't stay here," Beau said in Squall's dreams.
"But this is his home!" Matron whispered, sounding like she was crying.
"I know, but they are terrified of him. I can't keep him safe, Edea, not any more. He'll need to go to Balamb. It's the only place he's got, now."
Matron let out a sob, loud in the darkness.
"Edea," Beau said, voice quiet and apologetic, "you knew this day would come. He was never meant to stay here."
Darkness rushed back in before the dream could continue, and Squall sank into it gratefully.
"We're almost to Balamb," Sis said in Squall's dreams, her voice catching. "I wish you would wake up, Squally. I wish you could hear me say..." She let out a sob. "Squall, please. You're the only family I have left. Don't leave me all alone..."
Squall wanted to tell her she was all he had left, too, but it was only a dream, and the creeping darkness was returning, its embrace soothing a pain he didn't want to remember.
"His shoulder has healed nicely," an unfamiliar voice said in his dreams. "There's really no reason why he's not waking up."
"He had a shock," Matron whispered. "A...a very close friend of his died. We...we can't take care of him any more, but Cid says you're the absolute best, and–"
"Edea, it's okay. I promise I'll do everything I can for him. He'll be okay."
Matron let out a choked sound and someone stroked his hair. "Just get better, Squally," Matron whispered before a kiss was pressed to his forehead, familiar and warm.
Footsteps receded, and Squall let himself sink back into the darkness.
He didn't want to wake up.
"Just sit over there and behave, Seifer," an unfamiliar voice said, just on the edge of consciousness.
Squall wanted to turn back towards the darkness of dreams, but something was pulling him through the barrier he'd unknowingly put up between himself and the world, and he couldn't fight it.
He opened his eyes to a face that was almost familiar, green eyes burning with arrogant curiosity as their owner said, "You're not a student."
Memories came forward of a childhood on land, before it became too dangerous for him to be with other children. "Seifer?" he whispered.
Green eyes went wide with shock, then narrowed. "How d'you know my name, kid?"
Squall blinked, feeling more and more awake. "I–" he started, but was interrupted by the unfamiliar voice from before.
"Seifer Almasy! I told you to– Oh my goodness! You're awake!"
Squall looked away from Seifer to find a heavyset woman in a long white coat standing the the doorway of the unfamiliar he'd woken in room. She was smiling at him, clearly relieved, even as she pointed behind her with clear intent for Seifer to leave.
Squall swallowed past a dry feeling and licked his lips before asking, "Where...am I?" Because this clearly wasn't Alexander.
The woman stepped in and closed the door on Seifer's curious face. "You're in Garden, child," she soothed as she picked up an empty glass and turned to fill it at a sink in the corner.
Squall remembered dreams of Beau and Matron and Sis. 'They weren't dreams,' Shiva said quietly.
He'd expected as much. "Balamb?" he asked, just to be sure.
The woman looked vaguely surprised before she smiled and nodded. "Indeed. Will you let me help you sit up?"
Squall didn't really need the help, it turned out, his body responding easily to his demands. His magic was unusually calm in the back of his mind, and Quezacotl was the one to explain, 'It understood what you needed and kept you in the darkness. It kept your body from deteriorating.'
'You pleased it, when you lost control,' Bahamut added, voice muted, sharing in Squall's loss.
He closed his eyes and turned his head away as the woman helped him lay back down.
"I know you're tired, but I need to know how much you remember," the woman cautioned. "Edea said you're junctioned, and we couldn't unjunction them like I would have preferred to while you were unconscious. Hyne alone knows what they've done to you while you were asleep." The last was said quietly, as though she didn't intend for Squall to hear.
Squall frowned, confused by the concern; his GFs were his friends, a part of him.
'A sacrifice must be made for our services,' Shiva explained. 'From you, we draw energy from your magic; non-Sorceresses must share their memories with us, and we...do not give them back willingly.'
'Were you not a Sorceress, your memories would have suffered greatly for your long slumber, with four of us,' Quezacotl added. 'But your magic won't let us touch your memories, even if it would be to your benefit.'
Squall reached up and touched an unfamiliar weight against his chest. As he fingered the edges of it, he realised what it was and his heart ached. "I'm Squall Leonhart," he told the woman waiting behind him. "I've been living with Matron Edea Kramer and Captain Beau Owens on the SeeD ship Alexander. It was meant as a mobile base to keep Sis safe."
The woman let out a relieved breath. "That's good," she decided. "Do you remember anything else? Anything recent?"
Squall clutched the lion's head in his fist. "No," he whispered, wishing his words could be true. He was certain that, could his GFs take memories, Virgie's death would have been gone in a heartbeat, if only for his own sanity; the fewer people who knew he was a sorceress, the longer he would stay alive. "My birthday," he added, hoping he could get at least something of an idea of how long he'd been unconscious for.
She sighed and a hand touched his shoulder. "You've only lost about three months, then," she told him. "You got hurt when Alexander docked, and they brought you to Garden, because you weren't waking up. I don't know when we'll be able to get word to them to let them know you're safe and they can come back to pick you up, but–"
"No," Squall said quietly, opening his eyes to stare at the wall in front of him. "I'm too old for the ship, anyway. If Uncle Cid has room for me, I'll join Garden."
The woman was quiet for a long moment before letting out a gust of air. "Okay, then. I'll let him know. You get some more rest for now."
Squall waited until her footsteps had retreated before he pushed himself into a sitting position and looked down at the lion's head in his grip. Someone had fixed the chain for him, likely to ensure he wouldn't lose it while he was unconscious. He found he was...grateful, under the heavy blanket of pain that left him feeling more numb than anything; this necklace was the only thing he had left of Virgie.
'Is it not the saying that she is in a better place?' Pandemona whispered, her voice a gentle brush of wind against his misery.
"I hope so," he whispered to his GFs and the necklace. "I hope she's at peace, now." He drew his knees up to his chest and pressed the necklace against the steady ache in his chest, where his heart used to beat. "Gee, I'm so sorry. I should have–"
'Become strong,' Bahamut said, his voice strengthening, as though he understood that Squall needed his strength. 'Learn to use your dark magic, so you don't choke again. You have that strength, learn to use it to save lives.'
'Healing magic isn't the only way to keep people alive,' Quezacotl agreed.
"You just have to be faster and stronger than the other guy," Squall whispered. He was already fast; it was time to become strong.
He looked up, towards the closed door of his borrowed room, and narrowed his eyes at it. "Never again," he swore, clutching his necklace.
1 - Water in My Eyes |||
4 - Carry This Burden Alone ||| 5 - Somewhere Worse Than Here ||| 6 - Bound and Breakin'
7 - Clouds of Sulphur ||| 8 - I Will Be With You ||| 9 - Every Story I Have Told is a Part of Me & You
10 - Burning in the Skies ||| 11 - Colour of Your Soul ||| 12 - Beneath My Wings
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