FIC: Just Because It Burns ~ Tom Hiddleston/Loki ~ Mature

[batsutousai]

Title: Just Because It Burns
Fandom: Marvel (movie 'verse) & Real Person Fiction
Author: Batsutousai
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Tom Hiddleston/Loki
Warnings: physical abuse, relationship shitfest, Loki is a little shit, Loki has the worst ideas, Tom is too kind for his own good
Summary: Where there is desire / There is gonna be a flame / Where there is a flame / Someone's bound to get burned / But just because it burns / Doesn't mean you're gonna die

Disclaim Her: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Marvel. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The character of Thomas "Tom" Hiddleston is based on a real person, and no offence is intended; this is only for the amusement of myself and other like-minded (read: mentally ill) fans. Summary and title from P!nk's Try.

A/N: So, this prompt showed up on imagineyourotp and it was just this immediate influx of Tomki feels, but I didn't do anything with them until @PrincelySecrets and @PrancerLoon started their argument about Crimson Peak.

-0-

The first time had been an accident: Tom had startled Loki while he'd been writing something, had snuck up behind the god with a grin and the intent to startle him. Tom hadn't known, then, that he wasn't the first person to think that would be fun, or that Loki had been conditioned to lash out.

So Tom had snuck up on his boyfriend/lover/occasional fuck-mate (depending on who you asked) and grabbed his shoulders, and Loki had spun around and thrown Tom into the nearest wall with enough force to dent the brick on the other side of the layers of drywall and insulation. Tom remembered his whole body screaming with agony and Loki's horrified face floating in front of him before everything shut down.

"Don't spook me like that again," Loki had snarled later, and Tom wasn't really sure whether the god meant the sneaking up, or the almost dying, so he made a private promise to avoid both, even as he nodded in response.

The second through sixth times, Loki had no idea he'd hurt Tom: The god had nightmares, sometimes. He would thrash in bed, waking Tom by smacking him with flailing arms until the actor finally admitted defeat and escaped to the couch. The only time one of the blows had landed where Tom couldn't hide it with clothing, he told Loki he'd had an accident on set. It was minor, not worth any concern. Loki still healed it before Tom could leave for work. Tom counted it as a win, until he realised Loki wasn't staying the night any more.

"You can't lie to a normal human, what made you think you could lie to me?" Loki snapped when Tom called him out about not sleeping over.

"What was I lying about?" Tom pleaded, reaching out for the god, who had been in the process of dressing to leave when Tom had asked for an answer.

Loki grabbed Tom's arm, grip tight enough that Tom couldn't help but gasp in pain. "You lied about that bruise, Thomas. You said it was at work, but you got it from me."

Tom grabbed Loki's wrist with his free hand, as though hoping to ease the pain. "Loki...please," he whispered, blinking away tears.

"Please what?" Loki snarled, leaning forward and grabbing Tom's other arm.

Tom closed his eyes against the pain and whispered, "Please...it's not your fault... I'm not...upset... Don't lea–" He cut himself off with a scream as something cracked in his arm.

Loki immediately pulled away, as though burned, leaving Tom to curl around the ache of his arms. After a moment's staring, the god vanished, leaving Tom shuddering on the bed, tears making streaks down his cheeks.

In the morning, Tom had called his sister and they'd taken a trip to the A&E for x-rays. Tom had made excuses – he fell off his bed, fallen awkwardly – and went to work to do whatever he could with a cast restricting his mobility.

Two days later, Loki had reappeared, healed Tom, then fucked him three times in quick succession, magic making sure Tom could keep up with him. And they were good again, Loki staying most nights after they'd fucked.

And if Tom had to hide a few bruises and spend an occasional night on the couch to keep Loki coming around, well. That was something he could live with.

-0-

"You're hurting him."

Loki glanced back at where Thor had landed behind him, then returned his gaze to where Thomas was sharing lunch with some friends. "You think me unaware?"

"So cease."

Loki let out an angry snort. "He won't let me."

Thor leaned forward, blocking Loki's view. "Right. The mortal wants you to beat on him."

"Apparently, yes."

"Loki."

Loki snarled and shoved Thor out of the way. "What do you expect? I gave him opportunity to leave and he begged I stay." He raised his chin, imperious. "And what mortal would not? Are we not their gods?"

Thor sighed. "Just stop hitting him."

"I can't"! Loki screamed, and it was only the wards he'd thrown up when he took up his position, which kept the mortals on the ground from hearing him.

"I thought you better than this, Brother," Thor intoned.

Loki took a deep breath and closed his eyes to Thor's disapproval and that accursed name of attachment. "I do it in my sleep, you great idiot." He opened his eyes to glare at Thor's surprised visage, waving a hand in Thomas' direction. "He won't even tell me when I do it!"

"Perhaps," Thor murmured, "it's time you spoke your goodbyes."

Loki flinched and looked away. Leave Thomas? Leave the mortal who had so unconditionally forgiven Loki for every misdeed? "No."

Thor sighed and turned away. "Then continue hurting him until he turns away from you," he said before leaving.

Loki turned back to Thomas. "Hurt him until he leaves," he murmured, an idea forming in his mind. A terrible, horrible idea. One that would probably ruin Thomas forever, but if Loki couldn't have his mortal, no one could.

All Loki had to do was destroy every hint of kindness in Thomas' heart.

-0

Tom couldn't begin to guess why, but Loki started abusing him when he did something wrong. Or, well, the god's idea of wrong.

When he was running late after work, Loki would meet him at the door with a punch and a demand for dinner. When Tom moved too slow in procuring dinner, Loki would throw a plate or glass at him, raging about how slow Tom was. He would kick Tom away from the television sometimes, other times it was Tom's computer the god wouldn't allow him access to.

Only in their bed were things normal, with Loki kissing forming bruises until they faded away, whispering "I love you" and "I'm sorry" into Tom's hair as the actor sobbed his release.

And, sometimes, falling asleep in Loki's arms, Tom would think, Everything will be better in the morning, you'll see.

But then Loki would have a nightmare and Tom would have to finish the night on the couch. And he'd wake to find Loki standing over him, expression blank. "Good morning?" Tom would offer.

"Why are you sleeping out here?" Loki would demand.

Tom would make something up, some reason or another that would have been reason enough before. Something that Loki would once have nodded at, then moved on.

Now, though, when Tom spoke his lie, Loki's eyes flashed and he grabbed Tom around the throat, pulling him from the couch. "Do not," the god spat into Tom's face, "lie to me, mortal." Then he threw Tom across the room and vanished.

Tom closed his eyes against the pain, and gave himself a moment before pulling himself to his feet. He ate, got dressed, and went to work.

And when he was sore, he moved a little slower than usual when he there was no one there to ask him why. And then he'd be late home and Loki would hit him and demand dinner.

It was a vicious cycle, one that Tom swore to bear with a smile. Whatever this was, whatever hard time Loki was going through, Tom was determined to be there for him.

Even if it killed him.

-0-

It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working? Why wasn't Thomas kicking him out? Ordering him to leave and never return?

"He's not going to," Frigga informed him, after she'd told him exactly how disappointed she was in his solution.

"But why?" Loki pleaded, curled up against her side on the chaise longue, like he'd used to do as a child.

"Oh, my Loki," Frigga breathed. "Thomas won't leave you for the same reason I won't; he loves you."

Loki swallowed a sob that was utterly unlike him. "What do I do, Mother?"

Frigga sighed and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Loki, my son... You must either endure his love and let him help you, or go beyond his reach."

Thomas, Loki knew, is mortal. Moving beyond his reach will be the easiest thing I've ever had to do.

-0-

"Loki, what is it?" Tom asked when the god got up after an oddly gentle romp between the sheets.

"I'm leaving."

"If this is because of your nightmares again, I told you–" Tom tried, climbing out of bed and reaching for the god.

Loki slapped him hard enough to send Tom sprawling on the floor at the end of the bed. The god followed after, towering over Tom, green eyes burning with a desperate anger. "Of course it's about the nightmares," he breathed, voice chilling in its fury. "And about how you're always home late. And you keep burning dinner. And you lie to me about why you're sleeping on the couch."

"Loki, please, I can–"

"I have given you more than enough chances," Loki snarled, grabbing Tom's hair and using it to pull the actor to his feet. "I have given you nothing but reasons to see me gone, but still you persist!"

"I love you!" Tom shouted, trying desperately to be heard over Loki's anger and the agony of the hand in his hair. "Loki, please, I lo–"

"You simpering fool," Loki whispered, and then threw Tom across the room, against the open doorway to the bathroom. "You would have me kill you!"

Tom breathed against the pain and struggled to his feet, using the doorway to help him up. "I love you," he whispered, reaching out for Loki. "Whatever's happened, whatever you're angry about, please. We can fix this."

Loki caught him around the waist and drew him close, pressing them chest-to-chest. "Why couldn't you just walk away?" Loki pleaded, his voice breaking, and a single tear traced down his cheek.

Tom kissed him, desperate and wanting, needing Loki to understand, to promise he'd stay. Let Tom help, because Tom couldn't just leave him to that same misery he'd found the god suffering. He couldn't. "I love you," he whispered against Loki's lips.

Another tear tracked a path down Loki's cheek. "I'm sorry," Loki whispered and kissed Tom's forehead. Then he threw the actor across the room again, Tom's head slamming into the mirror over the sink.

Glass shattering around him, Tom sank to the ground and sobbed as Loki left for the last time.

..

Comments

[shadownitewolf.livejournal.com]

*sniffles and pets Tom...then Loki...then Tom again*